An Exploration

One of the things that has always intrigued me about the reality of being overweight is the fact that most of us who live with this are fully aware of what we should and should not be doing.  Still, that makes little difference, especially when we do what we know we shouldn't be doing.  That's either the definition of addiction or the definition of insanity.  It would easy to say that the individual simply doesn't care, and in some cases that would be very accurate, but I've always wanted to explore that concept a little further.  Of course, it's easy to talk about this when you're not in the throws of food as your addiction, but it makes me question whether food will always be my addiction, even with so much weight gone from my body.  Today, I considered that there is certainly an element of sadness that comes over the individual living with the food addiction and to quiet that sadness (or maybe even to numb it) the common reaction is to eat that pain away.  I also considered something else and that is, the recurring sadness is like an old friend that you really don't want to give up.  The grip of getting out of that sadness can then be a frightening thought.  After all, does anybody really want to give up that which is familiar and comfortable?  There is so much available to the individual, but sometimes they just don't want to take it.  Stepping into unfamiliar territory has been thrust upon me.  I know what I'm talking about here.  While in Toronto recently, I made a decision to put myself out there and for the first time in years (many, many years), I decided to go downtown.  The cabbie looked at me strangely as I requested my destination.  I soon learned after a one-minute cab ride that I was going just around the corner.  Tonight, I'm going to do the very same thing, minus the cab ride.  I've never been comfortable going downtown, but tonight, I'm stepping out of that discomfort and I'm putting myself out there.  As a non-drinker, I will become the designated driver and I'll proudly take on that role.  Tonight, I will have an exploration of another kind and I'll embrace that enthusiastically.  That's what was waiting for me on the other side of this weight.  I'll chose something to wear that was only a dream this time last year.  My life is now a reality.  I don't know what the next few hours will hold but what I do know is I'll hold my head high as I step out into this unfamiliar territory.  Wish me luck!