One Year Ago

When I started this journey May 24th last year, I could hardly imagine how my life would look today.  What I knew for sure is that I was determined to make a difference in my life.  Whereas I had put others first and had demonstrated an ability to see all of that through, I really wanted to see what my own life would look like if I concentrated on myself.  My friend gets in this evening and one of the things she really wants to do is go dancing downtown and, of course, she wants me to go with her.  I've already chosen what I'm going to wear and I can hardly wait.  I was never really one for downtown but tonight will be different.  Everything is different, in fact.  When I hit one year on Tuesday, things will change again.  I'm also considering that I might close the chapter on one part of my life, and that is, my daily ritual of writing my thoughts on this page.  It's not that I've grown tired of it because I rather enjoy coming to my computer each day.  There's something else I've got to figure out.  There's still one thing nagging at me and that will take a lot of quiet reflection, I believe.  Just as I conquered all the Chinese food, the dreaded soft drinks, and all that late-night eating, there's one more hurdle to overcome.  It's been at the top of my conversations lately and it's the most significant thing I have had to consider as of late.  I'm going to take the time to explore this, to understand it, and to ask the important questions that might just take a while to answer.  I'm going to think about all of this over the next few days.  Let's see what that time holds.  Until then, tonight will be our night to shine!

One Long Weekend

This weekend is going to be a little tricky for me.  One of my best friends is coming back to Newfoundland and it seems she has planned our entire weekend around all of our favorite restaurants.  I admit that I have been known to eat out quite a bit, but as of late, I am really limiting the amount of restaurant food I put into my system.  Now, it seems, I'm in for an entire weekend of favorite breakfasts, lunches, and dinners.  I'm not quite sure how all of that will go down, but I like to think that I can safely put a hault on any extra indulgence that might be tempted to come my way.  It's so easy to link food with good times and I guess on some level, we've all had experiences with such a theme to it.  I remember on my birthday two years ago, my friend hosted a party for me at her home.  She cooked for two days.  I think we all rolled out of there.  There had to be at least forty platters of food and each one was piled as high as the eye could see.  I seem to have my second birthday coming up on Tuesday and I have already hinted to a friend who likes to bake cakes that I like to eat them.  I don't suspect there will be any candles on that cake.  In some way, I like to think I already have my wish.  I'm living it.  For now, I'm just going to pay attention over the next few days.  It will certainly be nice to have my friend back home and to share so many good times.  I'm going to weigh in with the new trainer on Tuesday.  I'll report back if anything has changed!

One Little Piece

Recently, I discovered a special chocolate from Coffee and Company.  It's just a little piece and its flavor is Strawberry Cheesecake.  Does it ever taste like Strawberry Cheesecake, too.  Now, in the past, I could sit to a full box of chocolates and my stomach would hurt after the fact.  Once you get the code figured out, you go for the best flavors and you eventually discover that even the least attractive ones become more attractive as you get to the bottom of the box.  I remember turning my nose up at the coconut ones and the dark chocolate fudge, but when they were the only two left, their appeal increased exponentially.  That was the old me.  With my new discovery, I limit my intake to just one or two per week and I get them at the end of my evening walk.  I take my time to savour each little bite.  While I'm sure that I could eat several each evening with little consequence to the bottom line, I tell myself something more powerful.  I don't often view any food as a treat, but I will in this case.  That one perfect little piece will always be waiting for me whenever I decide to stop into that coffee shop.  It's one more little favorite little thing that I don't take advantage of, but rather something I allow myself to have whenever that little need for chocolate starts poking its head in.

Happy Birthday to Me

As I like to think, my second birthday is coming up on May 24.  I will be turning one next Tuesday.  I've thought long and hard about what I want to do to celebrate that day and today, I've discovered what that will be.  My gift to myself (I'm probably the only one that really sees it as a birthday) will be a fresh start.  This evening, I spoke to a personal trainer/nutritionist, and we've set next Tuesday as the day we will first meet to review what I have been doing and what I have accomplished over the past year.  I told him I want to step it up a notch, that I want to go all the way with this.  I shared that I have been walking three hours a day for many months now and while I'm proud of my 72-pound weight loss, there's still more to go.  What I want is to find out more about nutrition.  I want to know if the cup of tea, the orange, and the raisin bun with jam that I have each morning after my walk is the right thing to be doing for myself.  I then typically have my lunch at Hava Java where I find their soup (made by Belbin's) is simply divine.  There are five that they shift up every day and I embrace each one with anticipation.  I actually think they do the best soup in the city at the best price.  My evening meal varies.  I realize I'm not as strict as I once was and while I haven't gained any weight back, I haven't lost much else either.  It's time to change that.  Even though I filled one closet this evening with all new clothing, I'd be satisfied to let all that go with all kinds of new things if the weight continues to fall off.  I don't remember ever being skinny and I'd like to find out.  I know I can get there.  Even though I've got some wonderful new suits, I know there are more out there.  I'm happy to spend my money on that sort of stuff rather than Chinese takeaway several times a week.  Oh, I'm so excited about next Tuesday.  Let's see where my life goes from there.

Video Gotcha

Whenever I'm in my car, it is usually tuned to CBC radio.  I like the opportunity to expand my mind and to listen to something other than screaming ads that the more popular radio stations offer.  Today, I heard an interesting story of a bus driver in Rome who was busted when one of his passengers took a cell-phone video of him.  As it turned out, the bus driver was on two cell phones, using one to talk to a service representative while setting up his email on the other.  The entire time, he was driving with his elbows.  It just sounded so ridiculous, but, of course, believable.  The host of the radio show offered up a national, one-thing-at-a-time day and then suggested it should be an international day.  I quite agree.  It reminded me of something that I often see as I walk through my world and that is, people who are multi-tasking as they are taking their exercise.  It happens whenever I pass someone in their workout stage of their walk and they happen to be on their cell phone.  It seems to me that one defeats the other.  How can you concentrate on your exercise while you are chatting on the phone?  I never take my phone with me as I walk.  The way I see it, that walk is more important than anyone who might be phoning at the time.  Whatever I might have missed will be waiting for me when I get back to the car.  So, it's not so much what I missed, but what I have gained by concentrating all my effort on what I am doing and that is, walking and looking after myself.  In Women, Food, and God, Geneen Roth uses the same ideology for talking about taking our meals.  You need to be present to the food, she says, without interruptions of watching television.  For her, there can only be one true task at mealtime and that is, taking the time to eat your food.  I guess there are times when multi-tasking would be a benefit (housekeeping included) and other times when it just doesn't serve you to to be doing more than one thing at the same time.  I guess that bus driver will have plenty of free hands with no more steering wheel in it.

Dirty Dishes

When I was younger and living home, there were always plenty of dishes to wash.  I was always the type to clean off the table first, rinse and stack all the dishes first, clean off the counters, then I could start washing.  It was something that I always took my time doing.  Now that I have my own place and my own dishwasher, I still look after all the delicates by my own hands.  I wouldn't dream of putting a china cup in the dishwasher, let alone an entire place setting.  Those are the things I still take care of gently.  Sure, it takes a lot of time, but I just think about how fortunate I am to have such lovely things and I take great pride in looking after my stuff.  Essentially, it goes back to something I believe in and that is, you have to appreciate and nurture every step along the way.  Whenever I have a tea party at my home or a special dinner, it takes hours to clean up but I take my time, giving thanks for every cup and everyone who was here to enjoy it and I eventually find my way back to the place where everything is washed and put back to where it came from.  I use the same mindset for other things in my life.  When I start walking at 6:00 in the morning, I don't wish my time away until it hits 7:30 and I stop for tea.  I embrace every minute of that hour and a half.  I give thanks for every step.  I enjoy each moment thoroughly.  I can say the same for the housework.  I've learned to enjoy and give thanks for every step in the process and not just hold my breath until the end.  Even in this cold, I'm still walking, still giving thanks, and still smiling. 

Peeling Back the Layers

Many years ago, I inherited one of my grandmother's small accent tables.  It had been painted over and in my determined state, I began sanding it down by hand.  After removing the first layer of paint, I soon discovered there was another.  This discovery was met with yet another layer and that went on and on.  I thought to myself, how many layers of paint are on this thing?  There had to be wood at some point.  I carefully took my time and eventually, I got to the real thing.  After a good coat of varnish, I was the proud owner of a piece of my grandmother's home.  I remember she had such nice stuff.  There were interesting china cabinets filled with the most interesting china.  I also remember there was clothes in every closet and in every cupboard.  I also remember when you went to bed, you were essentially pinned under the weight of all those quilts.  I guess that was the only place left to store them--on the bed itself.  I was fascinated by my grandmother's stuff and I now have that table as part of my memories of her.  Today, I came to a realization that my life is much like that table.  For the past year, I have been peeling back my own layers.  There was an incredible layer of fat that had to go.  There was another layer of bad food choices that needed to be scraped away.  There was a thick layer of the wrong thoughts that kept me stuck.  Finally, there was another layer that had someone's name on it.  That was the last to go.  Once you remove all those layers, you're left with an incredible work of art and in this case, it is me.  Just like refinishing that table, my life didn't recreate itself overnight.  It's taken a full year to do all of this.  I'm careful not to say I'm done because the minute I say that, I really am done.  I'll just keep putting a layer of polish all over myself every once in a while.  Not much work will be required for that, however, as I've got a smile from cheek to cheek that shines all over me everyday.

Gratitude

Whenever a present shows up on your door, it's so easy to be thankful for that.  It's, perhaps, not as easy to offer the same thanks whenever that same door comes crashing in on you.  Throughout the past year, I've had plenty of presents on my door and without a doubt, it's come crashing in on me as well.  What I have learned is to give thanks for both experiences.  When I say thanks, I really mean it.  I always look to the learning in each experience that comes my way.  Lately, there's been something nagging at me and it was quite something else to say to the world, thank you for giving this to me, but I did.  Even in the moments of deepest confusion, I still looked to the learning and I asked the important questions.  Today, I was the recipient of yet another gift and I can't help but feel it came as a direct result of looking at the tough experiences that I've endured lately and being grateful for those.  I know that might sound unusual and on the surface it is, but it's much like walking in the poor weather.  It's easy to look up into the sunshine and say thank you for this beautiful weather, but imagine saying that when the cold and the rain are beating down on your face.  Even in the midst of weather like that when my hands are turning blue, I can still look up and give thanks.  What I am thankful for is the strength to keep going in that weather.  I am thankful for my determination and to see that it doesn't diminish even when it is so easy to give up.  What I am most thankful for is that moment when I am finished walking and I can look back and simply say, I did it.  For the past four years, there has been something in my life that was often quite difficult.  For the past three days, I have emerged from that.  No doubt, the gift I received today was a blessing that reminded me that all it took was the courage to hang in there and keep on moving.  Again, I'll just keep giving thanks.  What a day this has been.

The Other Side

It seems for years, I have heard the expression, the grass is always greener on the other side.  It made me wonder what kind of grass already exists on the current side and why there would be some better grass somewhere else.  For me, it's really about the contrast.  It's not that one side is less better than another.  I was just curious to see what was out there.  It's much like a feeling that came over me around 5:00.  For a reason that I could loosely understand, the feeling of wanting Chinese food came over me.  I even called a friend to see if I could invite her along.  The thoughts of that food weren't completely thrilling, but it did cross my mind.  As I thought about that, I knew what was waiting on the other side of that.  Those egg rolls would go down great, but the suffering would soon set in.  I'd feel all bloated and just yukky afterwards.  A friend described that feeling perfectly when she said, it's like pooping in your pants--it's only good while you're doing it!  So, tonight, I decided that I didn't want that feeling.  I wanted another one.  I wanted to know what was on the other side of resisting that call to egg rolls, so I decided to walk instead.  I punched in a full hour and a half and that feeling of sweet and sourness soon left me.  So, what was on the other side of doing something positive for myself?  The first thing is I don't have to live with the guilt of turning to the wrong food.  I also get the satisfaction of knowing I actually did something really good for myself.  Sure, my feet are killing me right now, but that will pass by morning.  I'm soon heading to bed, so I'll get to do this all over again the minute I wake.  Perhaps the best thing is I get to share this feeling with anyone who happens to be reading this letter of accomplishment.  I eventually settled for a six-inch sub, and while it wasn't the best choice, it was quasi healthy.  I just finished two oranges that made the experience complete.  Now, it's time for bed.

The Sound of Music

Whenever I go to the supermarket, it's always boneless, skinless chicken breast that finds its way to my cart.  While there is an option for chicken thighs or chicken breast with the bone in, I choose to spend my money on the best I can get to eat.  You pay a premium for that, of course.  It's much the same with my sneakers.  The way I see it, you really want to spend money on the best that's out there for something you spend so much time in.  I'm just back from my walk, and though my feet and my legs are tired and sore, I know I'm looking after them with good footwear.  The same goes for my bed.  It was worth all the money I spent on it.  So, while there is plenty of stuff that I'll happily put the money out there for, what I won't spend money on is a brand-name label on the front of my sweatshirt.  I don't need to be a walking billboard for someone's designer name, though you see that kind of stuff all the time.  When I walk, my clothes are comfortable, warm when they need to be, and they need to have the qualities suitable for a long, daily workout.  The other must is my music so you can imagine my horror when after almost a year, my earbuds gave out.  Halfway through my walk this morning, one side gave out.  My music was reduced to a faint sound.  I knew I needed a new set of headphones.  The only ones that really appealed to me were an expensive set.  I wondered if it was necessary, but I took them just the same.  As I walked this evening, the first thing I discovered was that the wire was much shorter on this set so I couldn't walk with the MP3 player in my hand.  It had to go in my pocket.  How annoying, I thought, but I didn't let it get me down.  Then I turned it on.  All I can say is WOW!  The sound was unbelievable.  My music never sounded like that--ever.  It sounded just like being in a concert hall and hearing the performance--live.  Actually, I've never been to a concert so I shouldn't be so quick to make that comparison.  I could have walked all night.  I think I did.  I wanted to hear all 173 songs the way they were meant to be heard, but of course I only made it through some of them.  I will hear more tomorrow morning.  How interesting, I never thought that spending money on something like headphones could make all the difference to something that I thought was so simple.  My wallet will remain open to such new things just as my head will be. 

My Teacher

A number of years ago, I was interviewed by The Telegram for their Sunday feature, "20 Questions".  It was a real honor for me to have been chosen by the paper and I remember one of the questions talked about favorite sayings.  My response was immediate, I told them I love the expression, when the student is ready, the teacher will come.  This morning, I was ready and this afternoon, my teacher came.  I took a friend out for Mother's Day and over our slight breakfast, we talked about the things that we still hadn't figured out.  I guess there will always be such things in our lives, but I was holding onto a big one and more than I wanted to be free of the hold it had on me, I wanted to understand it.  It's much the same with wanting to understand the Chinese food, the cake, or all the eating that took place in times other than meal times.  I got to the source of the eating, but there was still one thing nagging at me.  The good news was I was open to the learning.  It was just as much my addiction as the food was, yet I resisted it at all levels.  It's incredible how we can talk ourselves into almost anything.  This evening, my friend (the soup lady) took the time to listen to the story of my life.  It really takes a good listener.  She became my teacher.  More than ever, I understood other aspects of my addiction.  That understanding was liberating.  As I walked this evening, there was a lightness to my step and it was new.  I wondered if it was my new sneakers that I was wearing for the first time.  I'm sure that was part of it.  The greater part was the hundred pounds that instantly lifted from me once I got the lesson.  As I walked this evening, I actually felt like I was floating on the sidewalk.  It was almost as if my feet didn't touch the ground.  I couldn't be happier this evening.  I stuck with it.  I didn't eat that feeling away.  I allowed myself to feel it.  I asked myself the tough questions about it and through the kindness of a really great friend, I got to understand it.  Imagine, four years of the same question.  Tonight, my teacher came.  Now, I have even more reason to celebrate in a couple of weeks when I hit one year old.  Yup, I'm just a child!

Mother's Day

The way I saw it today, there would hardly be a Mother's Day if there wasn't the product of a mother, and in this case, the product is me!  It was just the excuse I was looking for to devour some cake.  The other day, I had safely delivered a glorious cake to a very special mother in my life and all I could call my own was the drizzle of icing that had found its way to the box once I transferred it to a proper glass cake plate.  It called my name.  This evening, I made a special trip for my own Mother's Day cake.  I went to the Sobey's that boasted a completely renovated store and it lived up to its promise.  The first thing in my basket was a cupcake that was twice the size of any other normal cupcake.  Alas, I had found my cake.  On the top was  a smothering of orange-flavored icing, chosen only after I carefully reviewed all the other flavors lining the showcase.  After a few healthy snacks found their way to my cart, I beat it home for my celebratory confection.  An hour later, I can safely report that it was a big mistake.  It was less than fresh, but more importantly, it was just so sweet.  I really don't choose sweets the way I used to, but tonight, that cake called my name.  It went right to my head.  Funny, I do know the difference, but all sensibilities shot out the door and I was left with the nagging feeling that this wasn't the best thing I could have done for myself.  Well, there's little else I can do right now except pick myself up, dust myself off, and recognize that I really shouldn't be at such things.  I think I'll leave the celebrating to the ones that really deserve it--the mothers.  I'm sure mine will have a glorious day tomorrow, with or without cake.

New Clothes

Today, I found myself in a lovely new suit.  I couldn't have felt better about how I looked as I moved through my day.  This suit was solid grey and when I brought it home about a month ago, I waited patiently for the day I would put it on my back for the first time.  That time was today.  Amidst a very full workday, there was lunch with a friend at India Gate for their lunch buffet.  You can imagine my surprise (and maybe delight) when I put on that suit this morning only to discover that the pants were now too big.  The jacket was still fine but the pants really surprised me.  I wanted to wear that suit, so there was only one thing to do.  I popped in a movie in my craft room and set up the sewing machine.  I carefully took in the waist and then I realized I had to do the same with the legs.  It took only about twenty minutes and then I steamed those pants until they were unrecognizable as having been altered.  You can imagine my delight in my brand new suit.  It seems my waist size is still going down though my chest measurement remains the same.  You won't hear any complaints from me on that one.  I'm not even complaining about the wicked weather.  This evening, along with this morning, it was freezing cold as I walked.  I think I had a smile on my face the entire time.  I think I was alone this evening as I walked.  The rain beat down on me but I proudly kept one foot in front of the other.  It's because of all that effort that my suit was just a little too big for me today.  I think I'll keep my sewing machine permanently set up in that room.  I've got another new suit waiting for me in my favorite color of brown.  I suspect when I got to put that on, it will need a little gentle altering.  Luckily, I know how to take things apart and how to put them back together perfectly.  Gee, I guess I could say the same for my life.  Lucky me!

Nike

At first glance, the name of this post might suggest a conversation about new sneakers, but it isn't.  What I like about Nike is simply their logo, "Just Do It".  It's pretty simple, just do it.  It kinda reminds me about the good china and good crystal people sometimes have in their home that just sits there.  It usually takes a special event or some special occasion for the dishes to come out.  I remember a set of china of my own that I was saving for a special friend once I passed on.  I knew it was her colors of pink and green and I also knew that the likelihood of my ever using that china was quite slim.  In a flash, I woke up.  Why should she wait until I was dead to enjoy that china so last year, I packed up every piece and off to her home I went with those dishes.  She was thrilled and told me should would enjoy that china every day and would eventually eat the flowers off the plates.  That china gets used every day.  When you use something like that, it brings additional joy into your life.  It's much like my new sneakers that sat in the closet for at least six months.  I was so proud to have them.  I knew I would use them one day.  It's almost as if I felt I was doing something good for myself by just having them.  I was kidding myself, I had to use them.  I just had to do it.  I can offer one more example of just doing it and that was with the recipe book my friend gave me so many years ago.  I made the soup last night and tonight I enjoyed the first bowl after two hours walking in the glorious sunshine this evening with my shorts on for the first time this year.  It was nice putting that recipe to use, just like my sneakers which are practically worn out (luckily, I have two other pairs).  It was even nicer enjoying that soup.  If I was at my friend's house, for sure we would have enjoyed that soup in a nice china bowl.  I was happy enough to have it here knowing it was from my own hands.  As promised last night, here is the recipe...Beef Soup...
-small pack of lean ground beef
-2 onions, sliced thinly
-2 sweet potatoes, peeled and cubed
-2 small zucchini, cubed (add last)
-2 stalks of celery, diced
-1 to 2 cups of thinly sliced cabbage
-2 carrots, cut into coins
-1 large can of black or kidney beans
-1 can tomato soup
-2-3 cans boiling water
-Vegeta (spice) to taste or 1 pkg. beef boullion
(if you can't find Vegeta, I've got plenty to share, just contact me)
-cook on stove for 30-40 mins

Enjoy!

Freedom

For the past hour, I watched a fascinating episode of Oprah talking about the freedom riders of fifty years ago.  It's hard to imagine that the world looked that way in what seems just a short time ago, but it did.  When you consider how the people were treated back then, it's easy to see how there was so much hatred in the world.  It made me reflect on my own childhood.  I was not free of similar torment and ridicule.  For reasons that may be obvious to some, there were difficult moments in my earlier years and into my adolescence.  Luckily, I had a grandmother that really demonstrated strength and courage and through her example, I learned to live without fear.  It offered a freedom.  As I watched that show this evening, I did something powerful for myself, a simple act that offered its own freedom.  A friend was here helping me chop the vegetables for the pot of soup that's on my stove.  There's two pots, in fact.  One will travel to my friend's home once it's cooked.  I realize it's a simple and perhaps unusual comparison--a pot of soup to a bus full of freedom riders, but for me, the connection is obvious.  Not too long ago, my stove was never turned on and my meal was from the hands of someone else and it was a less-than-healthy choice.  It only led to suffering and all kinds of it.  Today, my own hands go into my meals.  It offers me health, the promise of long life, and essentially, freedom.  I may not have written like this tonight had it not been for that Oprah episode that showed me that freedom can find itself in the bravery of those who rode that bus and it can find itself in the pot on my stove this evening.  I think I'll share that recipe for this soup with you tomorrow night. 

A Gift to Last

One of the most special gifts I ever received was a cookbook from a very close friend.  Its pages were very colorful and all the recipes were tried and true favorites.  There were recipes for delicious soups, some very nice things you could create with chicken, and of course, some very tempting desserts.  It seems that everything that was contained in that cookbook has a health consciousness to it.  Perhaps the most special thing about this book was that it was all hand written.  Every page was a different color of card stock and each sheet was hole punched with a very lovely ribbon holding all the pages together.  On the front was a very fascinating sheet of paper that seemed to magically draw all the colors together.  There was a message on the inside cover that wished me well on my healthy journey.  I received that gift about five years ago and I admit that I didn't recognize the value of that gift at the time.  For sure, I understood the intention and the love that went into her offering, but at the time, my food consumption was less than impressive.  At the time, my meal typically consisted of something with a heavy dose of fat, sugar, and salt.  This recipe book contains none of that.  It contains all the good recipes that she has gathered over the years and she has passed them onto me.  Now, I find myself curious about what I can make from that cookbook.  In some way, that cookbook has the same meaning of my coming here to write on a daily basis.  The entries that I share are much like the recipes of my own life.  These are things that are working for me.  They may work for someone else as well.  All you have to do is keep turning the page.  If you find something you like, tear it out and keep it for yourself.  I'm still learning and I'm still sharing.  Thank you, again, Miriam, for that very special gift.  Your friendship means so much to me.

The Home Stretch

May 24th will be a day of celebration for me.  It will be exactly one year since I started looking after myself.  The result is still the same--72 pounds gone.  Today, I thought about what I'd like to accomplish within the next three weeks.  I asked myself, would I like to lose a little more weight?  Of course, the answer is yes.  How will I celebrate that night?  While I don't have the answer to that, I just know I will, and I also know the celebration won't be around food.  Sure, there will likely be food present, but it won't be the focus of the event.  If I was just holding my breath so I could pig out that night, the entire spirit of the event would be lost.  When I hit that day, things will still be the same for me.  I will get up in the morning and walk and hopefully, my hands won't turn blue as I'm doing it.  It's been so cold lately.  I think for the next three weeks, I want to focus more on my own cooking.  Admittedly, I have eaten out quite a bit, so it's no coincidence that my weight hasn't changed.  It's time for that to now change.  I was considering taking myself out to dinner this evening but I thought better of it.  I stayed home to soup and, well, that's all I had now that I think about it.  Maybe that's why my stomach is growling at me right now.  Perhaps it's time for a little toast and tea.  I don't need much more than that.  I'll enjoy my cup of tea and think about what the next three weeks will hold for me.  I'll now plan a trip to the supermarket and resume some of my own cooking.  That's a great place to start.

The Power of Thought

I've always believed in the power of my thoughts.  For example, when I started walking last year, I thought back to a time when I wasn't so overweight.  I really imagined that I was still in that body.  I remembered what it felt like.  I remembered the clothes I used to wear.  As I walked, I really believed that body was still mine and what I also believed was that my body would like up quicker with that thought.  I believed that just as important as the exercise and food choices was my mind's belief that I was in a smaller body.  While I can't say for certain that did it, what I know for sure is that the smaller body I imagined came to me a lot quicker than I could have imagined. That got me thinking about my thoughts as they related to food.   It seems that for the first six months, I used to feel so guilty if I ate anything that didn't seem to fit with my weight-loss goals.  Now, I believe that guilt was a thought that turned that food, whatever it was, into extra fat on my body.  I had to walk further and harder just to rid myself of that.   Now, I think about that differently.  There's no more guilt.  That guilt, I believe, is a thought that instantly turns that food to fat on my body.  So, I now choose a different thought, even with the very same food.  There is no longer any guilt.  As a matter of fact, as I'm writing this, I am enjoying a cup full of ice cream--a guilt-free cup as well.  The way I see it, I can look at that ice cream as something I just want to have as a little treat after dinner.  If I looked at that ice cream with guilt, that thought would make that ice cream wrong, and me for wanting it.  When I tell myself I can have whatever I want when I'm hungry, that thought becomes freeing.  The result I notice is that this ice cream no longer has the power over me.  The other result is that I don't actually reach for ice cream as much.  I really don't remember the last time I had it.  A guilt-free thought about this treat is liberating.  Well, I seem to have just finished my little treat.  Delicious!