Fly Me to the Moon

What an interesting day this turned out to be.  I knew I was in for a very long work day that started quite early so my walk this morning had to start earlier, too.  As I was finishing at around 7:30, I noticed that the sign on the new "Rocket" bakery downtown said they were opening at 7:30 as well, so in I went.  For those of you unfamiliar with this place, it is the old Auntie Crae on Water St.  As it turned out, I had the distinction of being their first customer and as such, they asked if they could take my picture.  How do you resist that?  Even with my scarf tied around my forehead and a full suit of black walking gear, I proudly flashed a smile for the camera.  I can only imagine what I looked like after an early-morning walk with the cold impacting my rosy cheeks.  But, alas, there is another place for a hot cup of tea in the morning.   I recognized the chef and after a brief chat, I was proud to learn that they had some wonderful things they were offering from their kitchen.  Their bakery seemed filled with frosting delights, so as much as I wanted to put at least a half dozen on my plate, I opted out of that.  Still, those cupcakes were calling my name.  I think I'll have to try one tomorrow morning.  Tomorrow is another heavy work day but I will rise early once again and my trek downtown will eventually find me back to Rocket's door.  I like the energy there and the familiar face from another coffee house calling me by name made me feel welcomed.  I guess I can consider that it's off to the moon for me in the morning.  Oh, isn't that one of the best episodes from Sesame Street when Ernie sings "Oh, I'd like to visit the moon."  You can find it on You Tube.  It's just the best song ever.  I wonder if that cupcake will measure up.  I'll let you know...

Someone Else's Kitchen

Let's face it, there's time when you just don't want to stand in front of your stove and cook your own meal.  I felt like that this evening after I walked.  I just wanted to enjoy someone else's cooking, but whose, I wondered.  If I'm going to trade nourishment for dollars, it's got to be good.  When I look back at the food choices I made in the past, I don't have to look any further than photos of me during that time.  Let's face it, I was heavy.  Over the past ten months, I've punched in a lot of hours beating the streets and losing the weight and now it seems, I'm still punching in time as I maintain that weight.  The choices I make now have got to be good ones.  It was easy to decide where to go for dinner this evening.  All I had to do was drop into Belbin's which is just around the corner from where I live.  They have a brilliant section called "Dinner's Ready" and I can't say enough good about their food.  Whether it's fresh or frozen, you can be sure it's made with the greatest care and ingredients you can pronounce.  How simple can that be.  There's often a temptation to pick up the popular frozen brands from other supermarkets, the ones with all the fancy packaging and irresistible names, but when you look at what's inside, you sometimes have to question if that's the stuff we should be putting in our bodies.  The pita pizza I had tonight from Belbin's was fabulous.  You really have to give them credit.  It's perhaps the only supermarket left in the city that offers to take your groceries to your car, and that's even if you have just a few bags.  The prices are certainly reasonable, especially when you consider all that goes into the food preparation, especially their soups, which are simply divine.  As it turns out, I still have half that pita pizza in the fridge.  I think I was saving it for Republic of Doyle which starts in just one minute.  Off I go...

Food as an Addiction

It seems like for so many years, I've had people around me who are struggling with addictions.  Some are to food while others are to alcohol and drugs, so before I say the first word on either subject, let me be abundantly clear that I am not an addictions expert.  What I am about to say is my own feelings on the subject.  Some may feel I am way off here while others may agree.  This is my opinion on the topic and thankfully, we live in a world where we are free to express that opinion.  Here's the way I see it.  For those with a food addiction, it shows up on every inch of our body and it shows up as shame within us.  I've never met one overweight person who at some point, didn't wish to have the weight off.  When food is your addiction, you have to first understand the addictive nature of food, then you have to change your eating habits.  Then, you've got to spend days, then weeks, then months, trying to get the weight off.  It can be so painfully difficult.  I recently coached a friend through his addiction to cigarettes.  All he had to do after that was put them down.  There was no hundred pounds to then try and take off.  If he decides to put down the cigarette, it would seem to me he's free.  Of course, there's always the very real effect of the smoking on the body, but you can't always see that at first glance.  It's the same as a friend I know with an addiction to drugs and alcohol.  It's so easy to hide that from the world, unless you're in that person's company at 2:00 in the morning when they hardly know who they are.  Again, I have noticed that the same shame does not show up on that person's body to the same degree.  In some way, I've always felt cursed because of the weight.  Now that it's gone, I can celebrate the fact that my body doesn't look the same as it once did.  Perhaps that's the real difference when we overcome our food addictions.  It really shows on us and people really take notice.  Sadly, the mind takes a while to catch up.  I may have lost 72 pounds but the mind sometimes feels it's still trapped in an overweight body.  I felt that way tonight which is why, I guess, I was prompted to write about this.  Essentially, our brains are addictive brains and it would seem like we've all got something.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging anyone who lives with any kind of addiction.  The way I see it, I'm no different than them. 

Back on Track

All it took was one pound gained to snap me back into reality.  After a few days away from my routine of three hours walking per day, I'm back on track.  That one extra pound is already gone.  I will forever recall how I felt about that one pound and for sure, the next time I lose one pound, you won't hear me say, oh, it's just one pound.  Sure, it would be easy to blame all the snow we had recently, but the truth is, it wasn't the snow that kept me away, after all, I would have had no trouble even walking in it.  I had a shift in consciousness last Wednesday.  Again, it was as simple as a thought.  It's incredible how powerful our thoughts are.  But, really, I missed walking.  I missed the feeling it gave me (must be true about the endorphins) and I certainly missed the feeling I had at the end of each hour-and-a-half jaunt.  Of course, I didn't miss the icy sidewalks (Duckworth St. businesses are so different than Water St. ones whereby it seems every last flake of snow has been cleared away), but I just take it slower and more careful on the upper leg of my journey.  I admit it felt a little different today.  I always walked feeling like I was waiting for someone at the finish line, someone who would be cheering me on, but I've let go of that.  Now, I am truly walking for myself.  Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with having someone in the back of your mind, as inspiration, but even that someone can't come before yourself.  Today, I put myself first.  I feel so much lighter already.  Now, it seems my thought has shifted from walking to lose the weight to walking to maintain the weight.  I'm still not sure what the best thing to eat after a long walk is.  There's times I reach for some old cheddar cheese and there's times I grill some chicken breast.  I've even been known to stop in for a slightly toasted tea biscuit with a cup of tea.  I admit, I still have few answers when it comes to what is best to nourish my body after such intense exercise, but I'm learning.  Dr. Oz's book is turning out to be a wonderful read.  I think I'll turn in early tonight and catch a few more pages of that.  After all, I've got an early rise tomorrow.  In no time, it will be 6:00 and my day will start again, along with my walking.  I don't really mind reaching the finish line on my own.  At least I've made it this far.

One Pound

On the surface, losing one pound doesn't seem like a really big deal.  After all, it's just one pound.  Well, how about if that same one pound was the one you gained?  Now, if you're like me, that one pound takes on a whole new meaning.  I usually weight myself once a week and as of late, I have seen two pounds come off.  Well, it's time for me to admit that I just got comfortable and lazy.  As I look back on the past week, I had dinner out one night that consisted of hamburgers and french fries and I admit, they went down with pure delight.  The next night, in a storm, I found myself at a restaurant with a special friend where I enjoyed three, um, four courses.  Late last night I found my way into a sub shop for what I thought was a healthy choice when I should really be questioning is anything really a healthy choice at midnight.  This morning, it was breakfast out with a friend and breakfast out with anyone is never on the top of a healthy-eating list.  This afternoon, I discover that I am up one pound.  Oh, I forgot to add that I haven't walked since Wednesday.  It's a wonder I'm not up five more.  So, this is the time I get to put it all on pause, rewind a little, and see what I've done over the past week.  I guess these choices are ones I sometimes make through the week, but when you're walking three hours a day, it doesn't seem to matter.  I don't remember the last time I gained weight.  While it's only a pound, it's in the wrong direction.  This is going to change.  The one thing I can't do is go back to all the walking and then use that as an excuse to eat out with the wrong things on the plate.  Who would I be kidding to do that?  I admit, I did miss my walking and even though the sidewalks are snowy downtown again, I can either slow it down on the snow or find another route.  I'll think about that this evening.  For now, I won't beat up on myself too much.  I'll accept the truth of this, give thanks for catching this before it went to five pounds, and commit to doing better.  I'm sure things will be back to normal before long.

An Exploration

One of the things that has always intrigued me about the reality of being overweight is the fact that most of us who live with this are fully aware of what we should and should not be doing.  Still, that makes little difference, especially when we do what we know we shouldn't be doing.  That's either the definition of addiction or the definition of insanity.  It would easy to say that the individual simply doesn't care, and in some cases that would be very accurate, but I've always wanted to explore that concept a little further.  Of course, it's easy to talk about this when you're not in the throws of food as your addiction, but it makes me question whether food will always be my addiction, even with so much weight gone from my body.  Today, I considered that there is certainly an element of sadness that comes over the individual living with the food addiction and to quiet that sadness (or maybe even to numb it) the common reaction is to eat that pain away.  I also considered something else and that is, the recurring sadness is like an old friend that you really don't want to give up.  The grip of getting out of that sadness can then be a frightening thought.  After all, does anybody really want to give up that which is familiar and comfortable?  There is so much available to the individual, but sometimes they just don't want to take it.  Stepping into unfamiliar territory has been thrust upon me.  I know what I'm talking about here.  While in Toronto recently, I made a decision to put myself out there and for the first time in years (many, many years), I decided to go downtown.  The cabbie looked at me strangely as I requested my destination.  I soon learned after a one-minute cab ride that I was going just around the corner.  Tonight, I'm going to do the very same thing, minus the cab ride.  I've never been comfortable going downtown, but tonight, I'm stepping out of that discomfort and I'm putting myself out there.  As a non-drinker, I will become the designated driver and I'll proudly take on that role.  Tonight, I will have an exploration of another kind and I'll embrace that enthusiastically.  That's what was waiting for me on the other side of this weight.  I'll chose something to wear that was only a dream this time last year.  My life is now a reality.  I don't know what the next few hours will hold but what I do know is I'll hold my head high as I step out into this unfamiliar territory.  Wish me luck!

All Wrapped Up

Undoubtedly, the most rewarding things I have ever done for myself is take care of my health.  As a result of that, the weight has fallen off and I enjoy all the rewards that come from that.  It was a long road, but I'm careful not to say it was a hard road, because really, it wasn't.  When you're committed to something, you're willing to pour yourself into it.  I'm reminded of something else I pour myself into and it showed up today in the backdrop of a snow day that kept pretty much everyone home on a Friday.  As I'm not one to sit in front of the television, I like to keep busy, so with all appointments cancelled for the day, I decided to put my commitment to action--that is, my commitment to my home.  I believe I can state that I am one of the most organized people I know, if not the most organized, and when you've got the stuff that I've collected over the years, you really need to be.  Everything that comes in over the door is carefully chosen and then I carefully find a home for it.  Sure, there's plenty of everything, but there's a calm about it all.  I never quite understood someone who pays good money for something and then that same something finds its way to the top of a huge pile of many other things in their home.  I see this so often.  I then look in horror whenever I do catch that show, "Hoarders".  Wouldn't I ever like to work with some of those people.  I'm of the belief that what's going on around you is reflective of what's going on inside of you.  This evening, as I'm preparing my chicken breast for dinner, I'm thinking, gee, there really is a connection between what I bring into my home and what I'm now bringing into my body.  As I make my purchases carefully for my home (including the newest teaset that I couldn't resist the other day), I have realized that I can make the same carefully purchases for my body.  In the end I have the same result.  I have a house that's pretty much in order and I have a body that reflects that comment as well.  Who knew?  For so long, I never considered that the money I was spending on all the junk I put into my body was money that was wasted in so many ways.  Now, I clearly see the difference.  Just as I want to have a tidy, organized home for myself to live in, I want to have a tidy, organized body for my life to live in.  I'm the one in control here.  Well, my chicken seems to be ready.  After I enjoy that, there's a gift-wrapping room waiting for the final touches of a thorough overall today.  I could so easily make one of those scrumptious bows and wrap it around myself as a reminder of the gift I have given myself and one that I can now share with others. 

The On/Off Switch

I have a friend who often cautioned me about believing things were done.  He would say, it's not like an of/off switch where it's either done or undone.  It was a careful comment about recognizing that things are never really "done".  I can't help but think of that as I'm on this journey to wellness.  I often reflect on my friend's words, especially now that I have lost the weight I was going for.  Clearly, this is still my journey.  It would be easy to believe I have arrived at my goal.  I remember his saying that so often people achieve a goal, they congratulate themselves, and then they throw it all away.  Just because I have lost 72 lbs doesn't mean I'm incapable of gaining back 72 lbs, and more besides.  I'm sure we can all think of people who have successfully lost weight in the past and then put it on again.  I was one of the people and if I don't stay true to who I am, I could be that person again.  That's not what I want for my life.  Today, I gave a lunch seminar on my career as a designer.  What I focused on was being authentic to who I am in the matter of my career and in the matter of my life.  I spoke of my weight-loss journey and I proudly stood in front of the group in my new suit, the one I bragged about last Saturday.  I then went to Costco and I went there on an empty stomach (note to self to watch that behavior).  It was so easy to put a few extra things in the cart, things that would not ordinarily find their way to my pantry.  I just burst into two of those things--a bag of skinny sticks and a box of biscotti from which I helped myself to one piece and now I'm tempted to help myself to another.  All I can do in this moment is reflect on my friend's words and I'm so careful to not throw it all away.  Tomorrow, those treats will be given away to a friend that's coming by to share a storm day by helping me reorganize my craft room.  That's the thing, I have to be consciously aware of all decisions like that, decisions like putting things like that in my cart and then later decisions to pop that in my mouth.  My friend was right, this is still my journey.  Rather than thinking I have arrived, I will consider that I'm still on that journey and that I'm still learning.  Goodbye skinny sticks and goodbye biscotti.  Lesson learned.

Who I Was Born To Be

Every now and then, there will be a song I'll listen to that will make me put my life on pause.  That very instance happened this evening on my way home from work when a friend searched through the cd's in my car and put in Susan Boyle's.  Eventually, it found its way to "Who I Was Born To Be".  I listened to it over and over and as I'm writing this, I'm listening to it again on You Tube (I wish they had a repeat button).  That song says it all and it showed up at a time when I had my own life on pause, wondering about a friend who's close to my heart.  I've had these wonderings for quite some time and in the matter of it, I was searching for peace.  I guess things are meant to show up in their own space and time, for tonight, what came to me was freeing.  The only thing that changed was the thought I had.  Our thoughts are really that powerful.  It was a thought on May 24th last year that prompted me to turn my life around and that thought stayed with me on every journey I took both around the lake and on all my trips around the streets of downtown.  Tonight, I am ready to give up those downtown walks, recognizing that I have lost my weight with their help, but more importantly, I can let go of what walking downtown really meant to me.  Freedom brings peace.  Tonight, I can breathe that in.  That's not to say you will never find me on Water St. flying by, it simply means I can choose more powerfully now, or at least more mindfully.  That's the thing about learing these things about yourself.  All the answers don't come at once.  I think I walked hundreds and hundreds of times looking for the answer to what was on my mind and tonight, I found it, or as I like to say more powerfully, that answer found me.  It came in the stillness of the moment over dinner tonight with a special friend, one who was very happy to be a friend and to listen repeatedly to what has been on my mind for quite some time.  Now, I have the added pleasure of losing all that weight.  I never thought that a stormy ride home could be so wonderful.  As I end this note, I will remind you of the towering words of Susan Boyle..."and though I may not know the answers, I can finally say I am free, and if the questions led me here...I am who I was born to be."

Women Food and God

Last night, I wrote about the new book that I was absorbed in, "You on a Diet", by Dr. Oz.  It's lining up to be a fabulous resource for all things related to the body and how it processes food and all kinds of other good stuff.  Admittedly, I'm not much of a reader.  I tend to go for books that are visually interesting, but outside of a good Agatha Christie mystery, there are few authors who can hold my attention.  Since I started my journey to wellness, I found one other book that held me from cover to cover.  Last summer, while watching an episode of Oprah, I listened to an author named Geneen Roth as she talked about her new book, "Women Food and God".  It was captivating.  It made the emotional connection to food in a way that was immediately understandable.  I knew this book was for me.  Off to Costco I went and there it was in stacks and stacks.  This book went to bed with me every night until it slid to the floor as I turned out the light.  It seemed as though I could relate to everything she had to say.  The more she wrote, the more I understood.  As a matter of fact, I was so impressed with her ideology that I considered contacting her and suggesting that I could teach her book as a course on healthy living, focusing on the role that food played in our lives.  She's done an amazing job of putting into words so many of our behaviours that are simply misunderstood.  I think I bought another ten of those books and I handed them out to anyone that I believed could benefit from her writing.  That might have been a little ambitious at the time, but I was so moved by her writing that I wanted everyone to benefit from it.  Since that time last summer, I have lost most of the weight that was unnecessary on my body.  I just came from a family function and as always, my mother commented on the difference she can see in me this time around.  There's still a little bit of belly left over so I want even that to go.  Despite the fact that everyone I see says I look perfect, I know what's still left to go.  I will use both these books to help me on that continued journey and I look foward to the lasting results of this knowledge.  For now, these are the two books that I will cluth close to my confidence and I will proudly proclaim their truth to anyone who's listening right now. 

You on a Diet

If there's one person out there whose advice I would take without hesitation, it's Dr. Oz who regularly appears on Oprah.  Apparantly, he has his own tv show as well, though I haven't seen it yet.  It's so easy to see that he's truly interested in the well being of everyone around him.  As a matter of fact, I believe that if he could, he'd be willing to be everyone's doctor in the US.  Yesterday, I came across a series of books on health that he co-wrote.  I took them all and last night, I started reading, "You on a Diet".  I practically fell asleep with the book in my lap.  There has only been one other book that I have fully devoured and I will write about that tomorrow.  With so many messages out there on diet and wellness, it's often hard to know who to trust, especially when the messages often conflict with one another.  As I'm reading the advice of Dr, OZ, I can't help but trust everything he has to say.  After all, I don't know anything about what's going on inside my body and I now want to learn.  I get an immediate sense of his energy and it's one I trust.  I'm very happy to have found this book and once I find a nugget of wisdom that really resonates with me, I'll be happy to share it.  For now, I must get back to that book.  I'm learning quite a lot of fascinating things.  I'm ready for this learning.  As someone once said, when the student is ready, the teacher will come. 

Searching for Superlatives

It seems my whole life, I have always sought to be the best at what I do.  I remember in grade school, I always excelled and my father would offer me one dollar for every 100% I would get on a test.  It was the easiest money I ever made.  That is, of course, until I started decorating for Christmas as a career.  Even in doing that, I wanted to be the best Christmas decorator this province has ever seen.  It's easy for a confident grin to pass across my face as I consider the results of that effort.  It's much the same as the house I live in.  I even wanted that to be the best that was out there.  That strive for perfection has punctuated my life in pretty much everything I do.  Now, there was one more superlative to achieve and that is, myself.  Believe me when I say one of the greatest things about being overweight for so long is the feeling you get once the weight comes off.  Someone who has been thin their entire life may never understand what that feeling is like.  Now, my journey is about myself and I love whenever something inspires me.  Tonight, as I'm watching the movie, "Magnificent Obsession", there was a fabulous scene that offered a great tip on leveraging myself towards that goal.  It would take too long to explain the scene, but essentially, at 35 minutes into the movie, the character of Rock Hudson is being educated on how to establish contact with the source of infinite power.  It's how to fulfill your destiny, as explained in the scene.  The luxury of that on-demand movie was that I could rewind the scene until I had a firm grasp of what was being discussed.  The down side of on-demand movies is that they're so unpredictable in their proper operation so once I hit pause, I can't seem to get back to it.  Doh!  I'm sure I'll get to see the end of that movie at some point just as I'm sure I'll reach my own goal for personal best.  Of course, as thrilled as I am with my work at Christmas and as much as I really loved getting those dollar bills from my father, nothing, absolutely nothing comes close to the feeling that I get from simply being the best me that's out there.  What an incredible journey this is.  I know I'm not on this alone.  That same journey is available to you all, even with the same result.  Now, let's see if my digital cable will be kind enough to let me finish that movie.  Fingers crossed!

A Choice

It's 5:17 as I begin writing this morning and a quick check of the weather online reveals that it feels like -10 degrees out there.  It looks like it too.  This is where I get to decide whether I really want to go out in this in an hour's time or whether I just want to stay in.  There's a temptation for both, but more importantly, a choice.  I already know I will do the loving thing for myself and I will head out the door at 6:20 and offer myself an hour and a half of exercise as daylight breaks.  That's the thing about a choice--it's completely ours.  It's easy to choose a walk on a sunny morning when only a t-shirt is required, but it doesn't mean you can't do it when the weather is less than favorable.  I then get to choose something else for myself this morning.  Sunday morning means heading off to the flea market with a dear friend and then we always have breakfast.  Again, I will ask myself the question, what is the loving choice for me this morning.  Last week, it was The Sprout for some Lemon Luvin' crepes which lived up to their promise of deliciousness, again, being prepared by the most caring of hands using the most caring of ingredients.  There's no going wrong when you make these kind of choices for yourself.  I then get to decide what work I want to include in my day.  There's quite a bit of flexibility in the work I do at House to Home in Mt. Pearl and quite a bit of enjoyment so really, it doesn't even seem like work, so that will be my choice for my time in the afternoon today.  I then know I'll be back on Water St. for another hour and a half of walking in the early evening and then it's off to the supermarket for some other good choices.  These choices are mine and I am mindful of making them.  They offer my day and my life purpose.  The result I have is a life that is on purpose and what a wonderful way to live that is.  Sure, it's not all perfect and there's stuff out there that grips you to your core, but even in those moments, I'm going to continue to make the loving choice for myself.  Now, it's 5:35 and I have a good half hour before I start bundling up to head outside.  The day is already off to a wonderful start.  I believe the rest will be more of the same. 

All Dressed Up and Everywhere To Go

For as long as I can remember, I've loved to dress nicely.  The first suit I can really remember was in Grade 6 when I had what I considered to be the best looking suit for my confirmation.  It was a brown, three-piece suit that made me feel like the most important person in the world.  Maybe that's where my love of clothing came from.  When I started losing weight last summer, it meant getting rid of most of what was contained within seven closets in my home, including over seventy winter, summer, and top coats of all descriptions.  I happily said goodbye to all of that and then I said hello to some really wonderful new suits.  There was one in particular I bought that was simply too small for me.  It felt like an impossibility to ever fit into it but I bought it anyway.  I may have lost 40 lbs by that time.  Even when I came back from Ottawa several weeks ago, I approached my dream suit with the realization that it was still too tight, despite having lost so much more weight since first purchasing it.  This morning, as I'm preparing for the Spring Fashion Show at the Village Mall, I decided to take a peek in one of the back closets where that suit hung with lifeless abandon.  I thought, why not give it a shot?  After all, I have walked for three hours a day for weeks and I have paid attention to most of what has gone in my mouth.  I'm careful to say most.  I think I inhaled a bag of potato chips the other night along with a sprinkling of ju jubes and an irresistible chocolate bar.  Hey, I have my moments too.  As I removed the suit from the hanger and tried it on, I wondered if it was the wrong suit.  To my delight, it fits perfectly.  I'll shout out a great big hurray on that one.  It took twenty minutes to steam it and it will take another thirty minutes to finish getting ready, but I couldn't resist hopping on this computer and sharing the feeling.  Of course, I don't do all of this for the new clothes, but when you can fit into something that you only ever dreamed of, it's worth showing it off.  After the fashion show, I think I'll have one of my own as I step out around town everywhere I can go just to show myself off.  I wonder if my Grade 6 teacher is still around.  Apparantly, I haven't changed my looks since grade school as people say I'm immediately recognizable.  Mrs. Armstrong commented on how good I looked back then.  I bet you someone else will do so today!

The First Ingredient

There's something about going out to dinner that has captured new appeal to me.  For so long, it was a seven-night-a-week experience that simply became a chore with the indecision that came with "where to go to tonight".  Now, my feet are firmly planted in front of my stove each evening, except for the odd occasion, like tonight, when a friend's return to the province prompted a late-night meal out.  The restaurant of choice was Bistro Sophia where consistency is always on the menu.  The soup hits the perfect temperature every time and the sandwich of choice was alive with rich cream, spices, and tender, tender chicken.  The rich cream part might frighten some off, but our conversation tonight centered around the fact that this food was made with love.  I believe when that is one of the first ingredients, you simply can't go wrong.  It's the intention in how the food is made which makes all the difference.  You can tell at that restaurant that everything is cared for, from the freshest ingredients to the final presentation.  So, at the risk of making this sound like a food critic's review, I simply have to give credit where it is well due.   It's so easy to offer a comparison to some other food establisment where pumping the food out as fast as you can seems to suggest a different intention.  It's easy to recognize a restaurant where the profit is the first ingredient.  It's usually the food that offers little nutritional well being, but tends to be popularized by those who favor all the salt and fat.  Admittedly, I used to be one who favored such establishments, but now I can see a contrast and when I want an evening out, I want it to be at the hands of someone who puts as much love into preparing my meal as I put into myself.  Thanks again for a wonderful meal this evening.

One More for Good Luck

Downtown was a sea of green as I walked this evening with all the St. Patrick's Day well wishers pouring in and out of the bars.  Despite one or two that practically tumbled onto me on their departure from one such bar, the jaunt was quite enjoyable.  I could easily turn my glance inside one of the restaurants that seemed to be bursting at the seams with patrons.  The mounds of fish and chips offered a savoury reminder that I used to be one of the people eating just a meal like that.  But, hey, I'm not here to knock it for I might just enjoy a similar meal myself one day.  This is just not the day.  After a great conversation with a friend earlier, we arrived at the notion that it's all about repetition.  Let's say I had that mound of fish and chips tonight and I hopped on the scale tomorrow morning, I know it would not say anything different that it did today (which, by the way, said I'm now down 72 pounds).  Of course, I wouldn't be able to repeat that meal choice tomorrow and the next day and the next day without it eventually having the reverse effect on my body.  I, at least won't be testing that theory anytime soon.  The repetition I'm engaged in is seeing the results I'm looking for.  I walk in the morning and I walk again in the evening and I repeat that every day.  Tonight was an especially enjoyable walk...for some odd reason, I decided to go around one more time.  You never know who you'll bump into on the last leg of your journey.  I guess you never know your luck in the city! 

Money for Nothing

It would be easy to think I'm a pretty lucky guy.  Today, I won an all-expenses cruise and the caller was even kind enough to leave that message on my voicemail.  That makes about five cruises so far this year!  It seems everyone wants your money and they'll try any means to get it.  The weight-loss industry, in my opinion, is a huge money-making business and it seems like everywhere I turn, there is someone making an incredible claim for proven success, all of which comes with an equally incredible price tag.  Even this morning, an email from one of the so-called weight-loss experts offered me a free video on how to achieve killer abs.  That sounded tempting enough, but I soon discovered that my free video was a 21-minute informercial on an ab program that I could purchase for forty bucks.  There wasn't one free tip in my free video.  I wasn't even getting a book, it was an online tutorial.  If I wanted the book,  I had to cough up twenty more.  It made me stop and think about how many times I've heard claims about the greatest thing in weight loss.  There have been hundreds and hundreds of such claims that show up everywhere and there will be hundreds and hundreds more.  When you're overweight and feeling pretty lousy about it, you would likely do anything or likely try anything.  There is a huge need out there and there are plenty of those out there who want to take full advantage of it.  It makes me question the validity of so much that is out there.  Basically, to deal with the issue of our own weight, it requires effort over time.  There are plenty of weight-loss products out there and I admit to trying a few and I admit to achieving some success.  There are even some that I would represent, but the last thing I would do is take advantage of someone's vulnerability by chasing the dollar in the matter of someone's struggle.  For me, I'm on a path of discovery.  I want to educate myself on good eating, good exercise, and making sense of what's up in your head.  I see the journey I'm on as involving the mind, body, and spirit and I'm happy to share what I know with those around me, or even those who want to know more themselves.  I want to create a community of individuals who are committed to their wellness and committed to one another and that doesn't have to cost one red cent.  We can all learn from one another.  If we feel we want to put out a little money for nutritional or fitness guidance, that's one thing, but to be lured into the promise of one quick fix for one fixed price is hardly my definition of responsible.  I'm standing for something greater here.  There's no luck invloved in taking care of myself and no message in my inbox will convince me that there is a better and easier way of achieving my goals for just one magic price.  That just sounds like a whole lot of money for nothing.  Let's do this right.  

Shopping-Cart Etiquette

Whenever you go to the supermarket, it can be pretty straightforward to head for fresh fruits and vegetables, grab a chicken breast and then head out the door.  In the past, any such trip would not be complete without a visit to the bakery with that glorious display of frosting that just melted in your mouth simply by looking at it.  Sure, I still peek, but I just keep on moving.  There's no room in my shopping cart for such things anymore.  There's quite a lot to move past, in fact.  It's easy not to get caught up in needing to explore every last item on every last shelf.  Recently, I started realizing that I was doing just that, but in another form.  My inbox gets peppered with emails from all the so-called weight-loss experts and I try to keep up with them all.  If the magazine cover promotes a way to walk yourself slim, it goes in the cart.  This can all eventually become overwhelming, just as overwhelming as if you stopped to read every label on every item in the supermarket.  So, where do you draw the line?  My body used to be filled to capacity with all kinds of stuff which ended up being the wrong kind of stuff and now I'm realizing that I don't want the same thing for my mind.  I don't want to come across as the same thing, either.  I want the information that I process to be straightforward and I want to share it in the same spirit.  Here's the first thing I'll remind myself of and that is, I walk.  Of all the things I do for myself, walking is undoubtedly the best.  My body wants to move.  Sure, I could write endlessly about all the benefits of walking, but that just ends up being more stuff in that shopping cart in our head.  I walk and I'm going to keep on walking.  I'm also going to keep on walking past that sugar-filled display case.  As a matter of fact, I don't remember the last time I had a little peek.

Epilogue

For those who read, "Being Real", last night or for those who might read it at some later point, I felt it would be necessary to write this morning, just to see if I was correct in my prediction for how the night would play out and what I would experience in the morning.  It is now 5:32 as I begin writing this and I've been up for the past half hour, pouring over the experience of last night and reflecting on what that experience was here to teach me.  Admittedly, it doesn't happen often.  I guess that's the first observation I would like to make.  I felt that pain and in feeling it, I believe you release some of that hurt each time.  It shows up in a lesser dose the next time around, but as I believe, only if you choose to feel it.  I didn't pick up the phone for any kind of takeout to show up at my door as I knew I wouldn't.  That behavior is well under check.  That's how we break the cycle.  It first comes through recognizing the pattern and again I'll state that getting to the source was incredibly helpful in allowing me to see that pattern.  That's the thing, the trigger doesn't go away.  It now rests in our ability to move through it, not around it, but right through it.  Anything else is just avoidance and all that becomes is addiction.  That's not how I want to live my life anymore.  So, as I mentioned earlier, I would share what I'm feeling this morning.  I was right, I'm proud of myself today.  There's no snow falling as of yet so I'm quite looking forward to my walk.  I'm not a fan of walking in the dark either, so I'll have to wait just a little longer now that the clocks have changed and daylight comes just a little later.  I like to walk as the world is waking up.  That feeling of coming alive is something that I believe pours over me with every step I take in the early hours of the day.  My walk this morning will be a further reflection of what I sat with last night.  The answers don't all come at once, but at least I'm searching for them.  By being in the inquiry, I stand the best chance of staying on this winning path, one that makes me feel so powerful.  It was important for me to be real last night and again this morning.  I know someone's listening out there.

Being Real

When I named this blog, The Authenticity Movement, I meant it.  Getting real about what's going on means being honest about when things are flowing nicely and when things seem to be flowing straight down the toilet.  After all, anyone who goes through such a process of change will undoubtedly experience breakdowns.  Here it is, Sunday evening, and I'm right in the middle of mine.  I'd now like to share that with anyone who's listening.  The first thing I'm going to do is recognize that this is a natural part of overcoming this addiction, or perhaps, any addiction.  The issue that has brought me to food over the past number of years was staring me right in the face earlier this evening.  It came without warning.  It's now up to me whether I give into that feeling (which means a phone call for Chinese takeout) or whether I choose something more powerful for my life.  You see, that's what kept me overweight for years--not wanting to deal with the pain that was right in front of me.  I denied that feeling and I pushed it down with food every time.  It is so easy for me to see how the knock on the door with the delivery driver on the other end put a quick end to that misery.  With the first bite of a sweet-and-sour-laced chicken ball, the pain was gone.  I then had all the rest of them to devour along with fried rice and egg rolls to keep that sweet feeling going.  The situation only got worse from there.  That is one of the things I have learned about the cycle of fear and how we tend to avoid it by turning to our addiction of choice.  Mine just happened to be food and it was obvious to the world.  It's not so easy to hide this addiction. We wear our shame.  I know that for sure.  So, tonight, I've decided that rather than avoid that feeling and push it down with unnecessary food, I'm going to feel it... not feed it but feel it.  Believe me, it's not easy.  It's intense and it's uncomfortable and it's real.  Tonight, my only choice is to walk right through that fire and to feel what's there and to try and understand it.  I won't choose food that my body doesn't need.  I had a very healthy salad earlier that I took great care in preparing.  On top of that, I've decided to do one more good thing for myself.  I've decide to write about this and the minute I hit "publish post", this goes out to the world.  Nobody want to talk about issues like this.  If I'm committed to being real as I said in my opening blog entry, then this post is just as important as all the other more joyous ones.  I know this feeling will pass.  I know I will be proud of myself by morning, proud that I resisted that familiar phone call, and especially proud as I get ready to walk again.  It's calling for snow.  Let it fall.  It won't stop me.  Goodnight everyone...

Honor

One of my favorite weekly rituals is my Sunday morning flea-market shopping with a very dear friend.  We've been doing it since we met in 1993.  The things I have collected have been impressive.  Today, there was yet another teacup, a vintage handbag that will find its way to a friend's collection, and a gingerbread loaf by the hands of a kind, gentle lady.  All I need is just one thin slice and the rest will be handed over to a friend who really enjoys a homemade cake in his fridge.  Those were today's finds.  Imagine what has found its way here in all the years I have been gathering.  The interesting thing about it is it's all neatly and carefully tucked away.  All the teacups have a home and there is a gift room with everything neatly packed away on shelves awaiting their departure to the hands of another.  Everything here is honored.  For so long, I focused on the stuff I surrounded myself with.  Now, the focus goes inward.  The same honor finds its way to me.  I now consider the things I choose to put in my body.  How do I want to nourish my body, is one of the questions I now ask.  What is the television programming I want to spend my time watching, is another consideration. Who are the people around me?  Do I want to engage in arguments with anyone, or would I rather spend my time in meaningful conversations with people?  Just as I am the one who carefully decides everything that comes in over the door, I am also the one who decided what comes into my life.  I had overlooked that for so long.  Even when I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes in 2003, it didn't wake me up to the trauma I was subjecting my body to.  Thankfully, I get that lesson now.  I think I will now treat myself to a wonderful cup of tea to go with that slice of gingerbread.  I've got plenty of cups to choose from to make it a wonderful mid-afternoon snack.  My body now gives thanks for all that I'm doing for it. 

Three Wishes

As a child, I heard the story of Aladdin's Lamp and I was fascinated.  Imagine, three wishes and you could wish for anything you wanted.  Well, as a child, you get to discover how greedy you can be, even if it was all in your mind.  I often pretended I had a lamp like that but I skipped the Genie part and went right to the wishes.  It took me many years later to realize that I actually did have a lamp like that, it was simply in my mind.  I, too, could have three wishes, anything I wanted, and I really meant it and I really believed it.  Several years ago, realizing the power of my mind and my ability to grant any wish I wanted, I chose three.  The first tapped into that greed, I admit, so I wished for nice things and lots of them too.  My grandmother would say, be careful what you wish for, so here I am in the biggest kind of house surrounded by everything you could possibly imagine with at least one hundred of it all.  I admit I love my stuff.  That wish actually centered around my career and I just wanted to be the best at what I do.  As many of you know, I am a decorator and I like to think I'm pretty good at it.  I'm not really in it for the stuff, but I admit I do love a nice china cup and I can hardly resist any one I see.  The second wish I made last year on May 24.  It was for good health and wellness and all that came with that.  Again, that wish was fully in my hands.  I didn't necessarily wish for a great body but I also admit I finally like the one I've now got.  It happens to come with a great pair of legs that I'm happy to show off each time I walk!  The third wish rests in my heart.  I've never given up on it and I don't believe I will.  I've never given up on anything that I believe in.  So, here's the thing about three wishes.  They're available to anyone.  I came to that realization quite a long time ago.  Whatever you want is fully available to you.  When you live your life with that belief, those wishes actually do start showing up.  If anyone needs proof, I've got a house full of china, legs of steel, and a smile in my heart which leaks out everytime with the smile on my face. 

Possibility

Whenever I walk, I use the time to allow thoughts and ideas to flow through my mind.  This morning, I thought about what my day would hold.  There's a little something to do from a work perspective, but for the most part, my day can be created however I want.  I asked myself the simple question, what do I want for my day?  The answer to that is endless.  I can create my day however I want.  That's the way in which I live my life--from possibility.  Much like an artist who begins with a blank canvas and can create any image they want on that canvas, my day, our day, can be created the same way.  This morning, I've made a declaration.  There will be someone whom I will share my time with to talk to them about their own journey to wellness.  With that declaration, my day becomes a clearing for that to show up and I believe it will, especially with that email having gone out last night.  So, just as I can create my day from possibility, I can do the same with my life.  That's available to anyone.  I made a declaration on May 24, 2010 that my life would look different with health and wellness coming to me.  I enjoy that now.  I was a clearing for the possibility of that coming into my life.  I will now be a clearing for the possibility of that coming into someone else's life.  I can't wait to see who shows up.

The Source

It is Friday evening as I begin writing this and I'm aware that my letter has been sent out from House to Home.  I am very thankful to Ted for his agreeing to do this for me.  There is one point that I want to focus on in this letter and that is the idea of getting to the source of a person's overeating.  In my letter, I had talked about it being the most important aspect of my losing weight.  I stand by that statement.  As I have mentioned that concept to others before, I know people are quite curious about it and some are a little confused by what it means.  I want to take this opportunity to talk about it a little further.  The conversation may continue in future blog entries for I believe it is such an essential one.  Essentially, what I are referring to by "the source" of overeating is an understanding of how that behavior was adopted.  Of course I am careful to state that all of this is my opinion and I cannot quality myself with any medical references, however, I have been doing this energy work for the past seven years and it is what has resulted in a breakthrough for me.  The source can show up as an early experience that shaped one's opinions about food and particularly the way in which one uses food.  It is a coaching conversation that asks requires deep listening.  It is nothing to be intimidated by as it is a gentle approach to understanding a person's eating and weight issues.  As I have lived with this most of my adult life, I know the impact that weight has on an individual.  For me, it was the breakthrough I needed.  Now, my life is free of the pull of food.  Again, I simply say I got to the source.  As I write my closing comments, I believe there will be some that will ask for more information about this.  I am happy to share whatever I know. 

One Minute, Please

Earlier this evening, I went for my second walk of the day.  The sidewalks of downtown were as clear as a summer's day.  Despite the cold, I was ready to move.  When the walk takes place before 6:00, I'm at the mercy of the parking meter, but I can use it as a timing mechanism so I'm able to time my walk.  I usually park in front of Kitchen Queen and off I go, heading west on Water St. until I turn up by the Delta walking all the way down Duckworth St. and eventually turning down by the TD building and back to my original starting point.  That has always taken twenty-one minutes.  I go around three times in the evening making one full hour of walking.  Tonight, I decided to step it up a notch.  As luck would have it, my MP3 player started with Love Inc.'s, "You're a Superstar".  Off I went with the song on repeat.  To keep up with the tune, I had to pick up the pace and when you do that for an extended period, you can really feel your legs.  I've never been able to break that 21-minute time, that is, until tonight.  To shave one minute off my time was incredible.  Sure, it was just one minute but what it took to get to that minute was powerful.  The smile on my face made me want to continue walking to just that song.  Wouldn't you know it, on the second time around, I did it in 19 minutes.  By that time, smoke could be noticed coming from my sneakers!  It was time to slow down on the third trip around.  That's what it is when you're committed.  You begin to set new records and then you begin to beat even those ones.  For me, it was quite an accomplishment.  As I'm writing this, I went to You Tube to listen to that song just a few more times.  I wonder was she thinking of me as she was belting out that tune!

First Things First

It's 6:16 am as I begin writing this.  While my computer offers the correct time, I've noticed that my blog entries show up with some other time indicated at the bottom.  Note to self to check into that.  The early hour offers me a choice to start walking as daylight approaches or to sit in the warmth of my computer room.  Here I am.  This choice is mainly due to the fact there is something I want to talk about this morning and it is something that I've seen consistently for years in so many people.  I could even include myself in that list.  It's simply my belief that so many of us put so many others first as we typically leave ourselves last.  I've always thought that was a curious comment on humanity.  I've watched people walk to the ends of the world for someone else and then could hardly put one foot in front of the other for themselves.  Why is that, I wondered?  Certainly, there was little teaching growing up that offered an empowering message toward that end.  Even today, the only time you seem to hear a message suggesting putting yourself first is on an airplane when the safety features clearly point out that in the event of a drop in cabin pressure and the mask drops, you must put yours on first before assisting anyone else.  However, while I've never experienced such an occurrence, I'd put my money on any mother putting their child's mask on first.  It's human nature.   But I can't help ask the question (outside the oxygen mask example), does it really serve us to put others first?  I'd like to suggest one thing about that.  In the matter of doing so much for others, we do get to see our strength.  That same strength is available to ourselves.  We just have to direct it inward.  That doesn't mean we have to stop doing for others for I like to think we can do both.  As a matter of fact, I know we can do both.  The reason I know that is simply that I used to be one of those people who put others first at the expense of myself.  Today, my priority is me and I'm proud to say it.  There's still plenty of room for others.  I think I'm proving that by sitting at the computer and sharing this message.  By the way, it's precisely 6:34 as I end this entry.  I wonder what time the blog system will then say it is.

A Walk to Remember

Tonight, I walked in the freezing cold.  At one point, I stopped and had to wrap my scarf around my forehead to protect from that cold.  My hands were safely warmed by my fur-lined mittens and Stevie Nicks kept me company as I walked to the beat of Gypsy.  It was easy to tell myself that it's time to head home, even long before the hour was up, but I kept on moving.  All I had to do was remind myself of another time I walked in the freezing cold, in fact, I walked in a blizzard.  I remember that day so well even though it was three years ago.  The storm that was predicted that day was well upon us and getting my car back home into the driveway seemed like a miraculous accomplishment.  The relief I felt at making it home was met with the shocking realization that I had no diet soft drink in the house.  Back then, I was firmly addicted to the stuff.  I almost panicked.  The only thing I was able to do at that point was walk to the nearest convenience store to stock up.  I was still in my best dress shoes but that didn't matter.  I needed that soda so off I went.  The round trip took quite a while.  I never considered that diet soda was my addiction but looking back on the experience, it was easy to see the truth that I had denied for so long.  Two and a half years ago, I decided to rid my body of this substance.  My addiction to diet soft drink would be overcome so easily I believed.  After all, it wasn't a cigarette that I needed to give up or even a bottle of beer.  It was diet soda.  Boy, was I in for a shock.  Coming off diet soft drink was horiffic.  I could write for pages and pages about the experience, but enough to say I went through some deep withdrawls.  I managed to overcome that addiction and I've never looked back.  When I think of what I would endure to get that beverage and how I walked in a blizzard one day to stock my fridge, well, walking tonight in the cold and in the snow was a much easier chore.  Tonight, I walked for something with true reward...my life.  My body is still a little cold from the experience and my feet hurt tonight.  There's one more thing I'd like to add and that is, there's a big smile on my face despite it all.  I know I'll make it.  I like to think I already have.

My Morning Ritual

Since May 24, 2010, I have watched my body transform.  I have lost precisely 70 lbs and there's still 20 more to go.  It's not the weight loss that I am focusing on, but rather my wellness and the weight falls off as a natural product of that focus.  It all starts in the mornings.  When my eyes open, my feet hit the floor and in no time, I find myself on Water St.  It's there that I enjoy an hour and a half walk as the day begins.  It's the first thing that I do for myself and my body each day.  After all, our body is really the only place we have to live.  After many years of not honoring that place, I've decided it's time to do just the opposite.  Giving my body exercise and movement is the way I choose to feed my body.  In the past, my choices were less than nourishing at the start of each day.  I could often be found at the fast-food drive thru enjoying my breakfast in one hand with the steering wheel in the other.  Who was I kidding?  Now, I ask myself the simple question, what is it I want to give my body at the start of each day?  Sure, there may still be a time that I will want that breakfast sandwich and I may just enjoy it, but I will choose more mindfully now.  It feels good to have started my day this way.  It also feels good to share it this way. 

The Beginning

It was in the quickest moment that I arrived at the name for this blog, The Authenticity Movement.  It essentially refers to what I believe is at the core of what has transformed my life, and that is, getting real about it.  Over the next few weeks, even months, and hopefully over the next few years, I will share with you my experience with living an authentic life.  It will be an experience filled with stories about my journey to wellness, about a career bursting with realism, and essentially a life well lived.  It will be one of my greatest pleasures to take my time to share such stories and to maybe even inspire another reader.  Tonight, my audience consists of just one, and that is, myself.  I believe others will find their way to this site and they might just be interested in what I have to say.  Tonight, I will make a commitment to take this role very seriously.  I will choose my words carefully and I will write with a sense of responsibility that will be fair to this process.  For now, I will say goodnight as I consider what will become of this process.  As I believe with everything, the possibilities are endless.