Epilogue

For those who read, "Being Real", last night or for those who might read it at some later point, I felt it would be necessary to write this morning, just to see if I was correct in my prediction for how the night would play out and what I would experience in the morning.  It is now 5:32 as I begin writing this and I've been up for the past half hour, pouring over the experience of last night and reflecting on what that experience was here to teach me.  Admittedly, it doesn't happen often.  I guess that's the first observation I would like to make.  I felt that pain and in feeling it, I believe you release some of that hurt each time.  It shows up in a lesser dose the next time around, but as I believe, only if you choose to feel it.  I didn't pick up the phone for any kind of takeout to show up at my door as I knew I wouldn't.  That behavior is well under check.  That's how we break the cycle.  It first comes through recognizing the pattern and again I'll state that getting to the source was incredibly helpful in allowing me to see that pattern.  That's the thing, the trigger doesn't go away.  It now rests in our ability to move through it, not around it, but right through it.  Anything else is just avoidance and all that becomes is addiction.  That's not how I want to live my life anymore.  So, as I mentioned earlier, I would share what I'm feeling this morning.  I was right, I'm proud of myself today.  There's no snow falling as of yet so I'm quite looking forward to my walk.  I'm not a fan of walking in the dark either, so I'll have to wait just a little longer now that the clocks have changed and daylight comes just a little later.  I like to walk as the world is waking up.  That feeling of coming alive is something that I believe pours over me with every step I take in the early hours of the day.  My walk this morning will be a further reflection of what I sat with last night.  The answers don't all come at once, but at least I'm searching for them.  By being in the inquiry, I stand the best chance of staying on this winning path, one that makes me feel so powerful.  It was important for me to be real last night and again this morning.  I know someone's listening out there.