A Few Rules

This morning, we had a slight burst of spring.  I hesitate to call it summer since we haven't quite caught up the last season, so a slight burst of spring it is.  As I was getting ready for work today, I decided to forego a coat in favor of a very nice black-and-white outfit.  It seems a new pair of black dress pants were in order so there was something about new clothes that brought back good memories.  In my black-and-white outfit, I couldn't help but think back to my university days in which anything in that color combination instantly found its way to my closet.  That was twenty years ago and it was a time when I didn't think of my weight.  It got me thinking about the joy of losing weight to fit into something new.  Of course, that's hardly the way I would want to recommend losing weight, but if it provides an incentive, why not?  It reminded me of when I hear people say that you shouldn't match your artwork in your home with your decor.  Where did that rule come from I wonder?  If it works, then, again, why not?  I can liken that to another rule I've heard for the past few years in which they say women shouldn't match their shoes with their handbag?  Who is that "they", I wonder.  I rather like seeing my mother all dressed up in a very lovely dress with her shoes being a perfect compliment to her purse, and I like to say that because I'm usually the one who has given both to her.  So, enough of those rules, I say.  I'm doing a client's house next week and as a matter of fact, the artwork in the guest room is a perfect match to everything else.  I will continue to applaud my mother's choice to match her black patent leather shoes with its matching bag and as I walk in the morning, I might just think of a very lovely blue suit that I deliberately bought too small for me several months ago.  When that finds its way to my back, you'll be sure to hear about it.  As I head back to work this evening, I'm putting on another wonderful suit that finally fits.  Oh, time to run, I must get ready as I have to be there in an hour.

Something New

As I was shopping today, I could hear the radio being played in the background.  I'm not much of a fan of the music stations with all the loud ads blaring in the background, but I'm glad I listened in today.  Apparantly, Sobeys in Howley Estates is having a grand re-opening and part of what they're now offering is the services of a dietician.  I'm up for that.  On top of that, they're offering it as a free service and there was a suggestion that you could sign up for a ten-week class to boost your knowledge on how to eat right for various conditions, including diabetes.  I happen to know a thing or two about that and now I'd love to find out more.  I'm always thirsty for such information so tomorrow, I'm putting my name down.  That would have happened today, but I went to the wrong Sobeys to inquire.  I guess I've got some learning on where Howley Estates really is.  I think it's wonderful that supermarkets are taking the lead on such things.  I especially like that they are offering the service as a way of giving back to their customers.  It's so easy to see the endless offers that are being made to those struggling with weight issues and how those offers typically come with their hand out.  I get turned off so quickly when the thing that always turns up is the great benefit of the latest thing that's always accompanied by the great cost.  It's almost unbelievable to consider how many people are out there to take advantage of people's weakness and desperation to move away from the weight.  I'm going to give this a shot.  The ten weeks are going to pass anyway and I'm really curious to see what information they can provide.  I think it might just be interesting to discover what else the supermarket has to offer. 

Giving

As I've often said, one of my favorite rooms in my home is my craft room.  I've just come from there.  On Saturday night, I'll be hosting a gift-giving demonstration at House to Home in honor of Mother's Day and it occured to me that not only should I give away things from the shop, but from my home as well.  After all, what mother wouldn't enjoy a lovely teacup, all prettied up?  The second thing I embellished will remain a secret until it's given away that night.  One of the ways in which I enjoy my life and one of the things in which I'm especially known is as a gift giver.  It provides such contentment and such joy to offer even a little something to someone.  On Saturday night, most of the people there will be unknown to me.  The feeling I get will be the same.  I can see it in the looks on their faces and the joy in their eyes as the gift is handed over to them.  As one woman said to me many years ago, Eric, you simply can't give it away.  I knew immediately what she meant.  There was a point in my teacup gathering, for example, at which I decided to give away all the cups I had collected myself and keep only those that were given to me.  I now have at least a hundred from all the people in my life and I admit that I have gathered at least a hundred more.  If the Queen makes her way back to Newfoundland, I'm sure I'll be considered as the perfect host home for a regal tea party.  I served a King once with my china (yes, a real live King) so I guess I really need to round out the experience by setting a table for the female equivalent.   Tomorrow, I like to think I'll be a guest at the famous wedding, so I'll be sat in front of the television with my own teacup in hand.   I think it will be the one my Mom gave me many years ago.  It's among the prettiest I own.  You'll see another one just as pretty on Saturday night.  I can't wait.

20 Years Younger

This evening, I caught the episode of Oprah and she had a wonderful topic of shaving many years off your looks and off your life.  I seem to have dropped about ten years myself so I wondered how I could double up on that.  Essentially, she and her guests talked about the four key areas for this as they saw it and they are nutrition, exercise, skin care, and sleep.  I like to think I've got those four under check.  They recommended 300 minutes of exercise a week and I think I almost do that in a day.  While I'm not totally there on the nutrition side of things, I'm learning.  In terms of skin care, I openly admit that I use a very good cream on face every day after stepping out of the shower.  I started that about twenty years ago and I haven't missed a day.  It's like brushing my teeth.  Even when I was going to the gym and showering there, I had to suck it up if there was another guy watching my facial routine (or maybe they had to suck it up, who knows!).   I think I wrote last night about getting a good night's sleep every night and that I am committed to.  My body wakes up naturally each morning around 6:00 and my day starts fresh.  None of this is to suggest I've got it all figured out.  In terms of the exercise component, I learned that I've got to work more on my core and exercise that part of my body.  While my legs may be in great shape, I can't say the same for my stomach.  There's more work required there.  In terms of my food choices, I'm always learning, and certainly open to learning.  It was a hour well spent.  While I don't watch much television, I'd certainly welcome Oprah anyday into my living room.  In comparison, I never quite understood the appeal of an hour of some grubby individual sweating it out in some survivor land, with only a few bugs to nourish their starving body.  You can have that kind of television for me.  I'm sticking to the programming that supports my living well.  20 years younger and now, only 20 shows left.  I'll keep watching.

Giving Thanks

Even since the earthquake in Japan, I can't help but look at things differently around me.  When I go to bed at night, I stop and think that I am able to do just that, lay in my own bed.  I remember putting myself through university by working nightshifts in a road-side motel and truthfully, I hated every time I had to go to work.  After several years of that, I told myself I would sleep peacefully the very first night I was able to go to bed without having to go to work.  I've slept peacefully ever since and that was almost twenty years ago.  I remind myself of that practically every night as I give thanks for being able to sleep at night.  I can't help but think of one other thing that was so easy to take for granted before and that is, simply turning on my tap and having fresh water pour out of it.  Every time I do that, and I do mean every time, I think of the people of Japan who no longer have that simple luxury.  It makes me wish I could attach a big hose to my sink and have it run all the way around the world to reach the people who really need it.  It's such a simple thing that's so easy to take for granted.  It makes me reconsider other things in my life and give thanks for those.  One of those is the simple fact that I now live with good health so I now ask myself, why jeopardize that?  I spent many years mistreating my body and now I've turned that around.  There's no turning back.  It's much like organizing my home of all the bric-a-brac, I can't imagine then opening the cupboards and pouring all the stuff into the middle of the floor.  These are simple things that I can't help but offer extra thanks for.  I'm actually a little thirsty now.  How easy it now is to get myself a refreshing glass of water before I head to bed in a little bit.  Maybe it's time to say an extra prayer tonight.  One, giving thanks for all the blessings in my life, and another prayer of hope for those who don't have it as fortunate as we do.

Advancements

This morning, I had the delight of preparing an Easter gift bundle for my mother.  The room I do this work in is one of the six bedrooms of my home.  I am at peace in that space, especially when I'm creating something.  As I do this work, I always choose a movie from my huge collection of VHS casettes.  Today, it was a recorded episode of Hart to Hart.  I simply love that show.  As I consider how technology suggests I get rid of all those tapes in favor of DVD's, and then suggests I replace all of that with blue ray versions, I must stop and consider how intelligent all that technology is.  Sure, my tapes take up much more room, but I'm not unhappy with that.  I have the space.  It's the same with my records.  The world suggested that tapes was the way to go until cd's showed up on the scene and now it seems that digital format is the way to go for music.  I'm wondering, though, if all these advancements are really moving us forward.  Sure, I enjoy my MP3 player as I walk, but I rather do enjoy the experience of going to the record player and turning the record over once the first side is played.  There's something nostalgic about the whole thing.  The one thing I love about my VHS tapes is that I can still record from the tv on them and once I take them out of the machine, they keep their place once I put them back in.  DVD's can't boast the same ease of retrieval if you take it out half way through a movie.  It begs the question, are we really getting ahead with all this stuff?  Of course, I liken this to all the advancements in weight-loss products and exercise equipment.  Let's face it, we're fatter than ever and it seems no matter how much money you're willing to pour into your weight-loss products, the results seems fewer than ever before.  Maybe it's time to hold off on the next new thing.  I don't have an IPad nor am I interested in the IPad 2, nor do I think I will ever be interested in that.  I like to think I'm done with believing there is some weight-loss product or machine out there that can expedite what I've known all along.  It's simply effort over time.  Just like getting up to change the record or to actually press stop on the VCR (where is that remote?), all I have to do is put one foot in front of the other.  I'm willing to keep doing that...after all, I'm worth it. 

Easter Eve

In previous years, by now, I'd have a ring of chocolate firmly around my face.  My stomach would ususally hurt from all the chocolate eggs, and there'd be the biggest bowl of candy gracing every table.  Make no wonder I was diagnosed with diabetes exactly eight years ago.  I remember the day well.  It was Easter Sunday and I was preparing to take my parents for brunch at the hotel.  For some odd reason, I had my finger tested for blood sugar and it read 32.9.  That didn't mean anything to me at the time for I felt perfectly fine.  Ten minutes later, I found myself in the emergency room being helped in by two strapping men who saw the seriousness of the experience.  That's where I spent the rest of the day, not being allowed anything to eat.  It took many years later to get that under control.  I'm not sure I'm totally there, but I'm a lot closer than I ever was.  So, in my easter basket tomorrow, there isn't the usual pack of peeps or the marshmallow bunny that I loved so dearly.  As a matter of fact, there isn't an easter basket at all.  I don't need such things anymore.  My day tomorrow will consist of breakfast with a close friend and dinner with family.  There might be a slice of some kind of cake calling my name and I typically answer the call, but just modestly.  I have learned that anything is fair game.  I piece of cake is a lot different that the entire cake (yes, I've done that).  So, it seems like my easter will look decidedly different this year.  It will ensure that I enjoy many, many more.

A Dream of Yesterday

Last night, I had a dream of my first apartment.  It was 1995 and through the kindness of a friend, I was offered a bachelor apartment even though I had no money at the time.  I was out of work and I needed a place of my own.  It was the smallest of apartments on King's Bridge Rd. and though my neighbours all lived in the biggest houses, I believed mine was up there with the best.  It was filled with all the things that mattered to me at the time and though I didn't have one set of china, the atmosphere was beautiful.  Before long, I found a job that filled my Monday to Fridays from 9 to 5.  While I loved my job, I soon discovered that this regular routine was not meant to be mine.  I started my own business the following year.  In my dream, I was brought back to a time that was very gentle.  I remember having to cook my own meals because I couldn't affort to eat out.  I will always remember my employer at the time asking me to treat a special client to a wonderful night out to dinner.  The only dining room I knew of at the time was my own, so I made such a special evening of it.  I was later treated to a special teacup which came all the way from Germany where this man lived.  My dream reminded me of how simple my life was back then.  I cooked all my meals and my tiny freezer held enough food for the coming week.  As I compare that today, my sets to china are endless and my meals, while sometimes at my own hand, are sometimes at the hands of a local reastaurant.  I think my dream last night reminded me that the terrible experience I had out to dinner last night didn't have to be that way.  I have a fully equipped kitchen with the best of everything in it.  It's time to get back to that.  Today is Good Friday.  My meal was with my family today and in observance of this day, there was no meat on the menu.  I'm still full from that earlier meal.  There's an invitation for me to go out and socialize tonight.  Why not, I say!  With the help of a friend earlier, we went through every room to find a home for all the new things that have found their way here.  Even as I was going through my home earlier, I was reminded so much of that earlier time in my dream.  It was a much simpler time.  I liked it.  I have a feeling tonight will bring me back to something else special.  Let's see what this special evening holds.  Until later...

Oh Whoopi

One of my favorite movies has to be "Sister Act".  Whoopi Goldberg is simply brilliant in that role.  The one scene that always brings a smile to my face is where she sits with the other nuns for the first time to share a meal.  "This is terrible", she exclaims and it is only when her plate is taken away from her that she realizes that a little salt might have done the trick.  Believe me, there was no salt shaker that could make up for what was put in front of me this evening.  I decided to have a meal out with a friend and there was this Chinese place we hadn't tried as of yet.  It was terrible.  I had never met a chicken ball I didn't like, until tonight.  It was one of those occasions when you really don't know what to do with the food in front of you.  You then get to the awkward point when the server comes back just to check on you and the familiar phrase, "how's everything" is placed in front of you.  Well, who wants to be cruel?  Sure, there's always a diplomatic way of saying something is a little off, but I haven't come up with the words to say that everything was off.  I lied right through my teeth in my response but I think the fact that most everything was left on my plate told the truth.  As with everything like this, I ask myself the question, what is this here to teach me?  Does this mean my days of fried rice are behind me?  I don't know if I can ever look at another egg roll the same way.  Maybe the universe is telling me that I need to return to my own kitchen.  Since I really didn't have anything to eat, I'm desperately making up for it with the container of yogurt that was in my fridge.  I think I will end up eating the entire half container that's left.  I didn't think I would ever find myself sick of Chinese food, but tonight I am.  Let's see how long that feeling lasts.  In terms of Whoopi, I'm sure she will make me laugh tomorrow.  She's still in my VCR in my craft room where I'll be watching as I make my last Easter gift bundle in the morning. 

A Gym Alternative

Today, I visited the Goodlife gym at Atlantic Place.  I admit it was a little intimidating as I haven't been in the gym in over a year.  Keep in mind, all I did was visit.  I wanted to see if my pass was good for that location and, it is.  What I need is some exercise to get the rest of my stomach flat.  All the walking I've been doing is certainly good for my waistline, but in order to tighten up my stomach, something else is needed.  I don't quite know what that something else is, but I'm certainly willing to find out what that is.  When I find it, I'll share it.  The walking continues in the morning, though I hear that some snow awaits.  Oh well, back to that again.

A Royal Breakfast

For as long as I can remember, I have been fascinated by the British Royal Family.  I think I must have every book ever published about them.  Perhaps in a past life, I was a member of some aristocratic family so maybe part of that lifestyle still lingers.  With the wedding of the century coming next Friday, the television if full of specials dedicated to the Royal Family.  Tonight, I watched a show all about the food that this family is served.  It's hard to imagine that each one of them isn't three hundred pounds.  You should see what goes into each meal.  That precision in creating reminds me of what I was doing while I was watching that show.  Tonight, I am creating a series of Easter baskets for a client.  My kitchen is an explosion of color and confections of all sorts.  My pride comes from not just the creations that will find their way to that client's office in the morning, but in the fact that no temptation arose from making those bundles.  Ordinarily, there would be one chocolate bunny for the basket and one for my mouth.  The same would be true for those irresistible "peeps".  Boy, could I ever pack them inside of me.  That marshmallow fluffiness was a sensation that I couldn't get enough of, but tonight, each one found its way to the baskets.  While I still have my sweet tooth, I don't exercise it the same way that I used to.  It's taken me a full day to complete those baskets and it might take another two days to clean up the mess!  It makes me wonder if the Royals will have their own Easter-egg hunt.  I wonder what the Queen would say if she could see one of my own creations.  She may have plenty of her own chefs guarding the secrets of each recipe that finds its way to her plate, but I bet she doesn't have a series of Easter baskets with bunny ears peeping out of the top.  I guess if she asked, I'd do some for her, too!

Taking a Stand for Yourself

I sometimes wonder if I have traded my addiction to food for the experience of constant walking.  Tonight, both my legs are sore and my feet hurt to my knees.  It's almost like it's hard to stand up.  Still, I know that when I wake in the morning, I will climb into my walking clothes and I will be downtown by 6:30.  I guess I can't complain.  I had to go shopping today for some new clothes.  Everything I now have is simply too big for me.  Whereas I used to have seven closets bursting at the seams, I now have about seven things to wear.  I don't even mind that I have to wear the same stuff over and over.  When you take a stand for yourself like this, these things happen.  When I go to bed tonight, it will be hard to just walk up over the steps.  Again, I don't mind that.  Even if I am a little addicted to walking, I'd rather have that to live with than the agony of being still addicted to food.  Tonight, I had planned to take myself out to dinner.  I would have come home and got ready all over again, but I settled for a six-inch sub at the end of my walk.  It's all I needed.  I guess it's worth the sore legs, the sore feet, and all the clothes that no longer fits.  You'll get no complaints from me on any of that.

Discovery

Today I smiled and all at once things didn't seem so bad
Today I shared with someone else a bit of hope I had
Today I sang a happy song and felt my heart grow light
And walked a peaceful little mile with not a cloud in sight

Today I worked with what I had and longed for nothing more
And what had seemed like only weeds were flowers at my door
Today I loved a little more, complained a little less
And in the giving of myself, forgot my weariness

What Work?

Today, I ran into an old friend I hadn't seen in some years.  She was noticeably pregnant and I joked how I used to look like someone who was ready to drop twins.  She asked me what I was doing this evening and I told her I was headed to work.  When she asked me what work I was doing, I stopped and realized that I call it work, but it really isn't.  Tonight, I hosted an Easter gift-giving demonstration at House to Home in Mt. Pearl.  I spent the day thinking of inventive ways to prepare Easter gifts and I had the entire inventory of the shop at my disposal.  It felt wonderful.  Throughout that full hour, the audience seemed to gasp with delight.  How could there be anything greater to do as a career?  That is the feeling I will carry with me throughout the rest of this evening.  What an amazing day.  Imagine, that kind of life is available to anyone who simple has to tap into what they really love to do.  When you align your passion with your career, it no longer becomes work.  I could still be there, creating one exciting gift after another and still handing them out.  Maybe I'll do a few more here.  After all, there's one whole week to Easter.  Time to get cracking!

What a Difference a Day Makes

All it took was one dinner out tonight to make me feel sick.  I think I've been doing too much of this lately.  I really feel lousy so that's about all I can say.  It's time for bed. 

Faceoff

One of the things I've really struggled with since starting this regime almost a year ago is shedding the image that I'm still living in an overweight body.  Even though I'm down 72 pounds (probably more since I haven't really weighed in several weeks), there's times I still feel overweight.  I watched a recent episode of Oprah and her guest that day was Jennifer Hudson who admitted to having lost 80 pounds.  She told Oprah that it took her mind a while to catch up to the realization of that weight loss.  As a matter of fact, she still felt she was overweight.  I could relate completely.  Even thought the jogging pants that I wear as I walk are a size small, my mind hasn't really caught up with that.  I like to think that changed today.  For the first time, yes, really for the first time, I looked in the mirror and say a smaller face looking back.  It was in a client's shop and at first I thought I must be looking in some kind of magic mirror.  I wondered if I could find one of those for myself.  I caught myself catching glimpses of my reflection throughout the day and surprisingly, the result was the same each time.  I now see a smaller me.  I started seeing it yesterday when I was sat down in my t-shirt after I walked in the morning.  There's no describing this feeling.  It's really starting to hit home.  Of course, I've heard it a thousand times from other people but as much as it was nice hearing that, I really needed to hear it from myself.  Today, my own voice spoke volumes.  It made is so easy to walk to that full three hours this evening.  My dinner was slight and I still feel nourished.  Imagine, a smaller me, at last!

Politics

It seems to me there is more hatred in this election than in any other I can remember.  It's to the point where I can hardly listen to someone stating their case when all that's involved is slamming the other person.  What ever happened to standing for something you believe in and just going with that?  It reminds me of when I started my own path to enlightenment almost a year ago.  I decided I wasn't going into this with any hatred.  I wasn't going to hate my reflection, or my suit that was too tight, or that fast-food restaurant and just pumpted out one fried offering after another.  I knew that kind of thinking would get me nowhere.  I first had to embrace every last pound that I had and every last inch that was on my body.  Sure, it might have been difficult to stand in front of a mirror, but I at least made up my mind that I wouldn't hate what was staring back.  I didn't want that kind of energy in my life.  Sure, I wanted to change, but I didn't want to only believe in what I could become.  I had to embrace where I was and to be thankful for that.  I needed to love all that I was and from the place where I had come.  I knew there would only be joy in my life.  As I walked and I watched my body change, more joy found its way to me.  I stood for who I was and I didn't want my conversation to offer anything other than pure joy and pure love.  That seems to be missing in so much that's around me.  Rather than stating what they are actually standing for, one political leader is taking a shot at another.  I don't know what there is to gain from that.  If I was running for political office, I would embrace my opponent rather than try and knock him down and I would stand proud in who I was and what I was standing for.  It's worked for me with my life, I bet it would work for them too.  Let's see what's to come of all of this.

Mother and Child

Just when you think spring is here, you get dumped with a morning full of freezing cold rain, and yes, I walked for the full hour and a half in it.  When it came time to walk again this evening, the rain was reduced to just a drizzle but the cold was still there.  I guess you can have a high tolerance for such weather conditions but there is a threshold.  I reached mine just about the time I reached the "open" sign at the Afghan Restaurant.  It's the kind of place that if you didn't know it was there, you'd never know it was there.  It's on Duckworth St. and takes up the space of about one car parking spot.  There's just six very small tables inside of which each is able to seat two.  I had been there before last summer but I admit my patronage over the winter had been waning.  I was glad for the cold for in I went.  I was immediately reminded of the kind lady who prepares the food and her gracious son who brings the food to your table.  It's a fascinating study in cultural commitment to business for the pair are there six days a week as they work in such a very tiny space.  One thing is for sure, the food is delicious.  It's much like Indian cuisine and I sat there, guilt free, knowing each item on my plate was prepared with love.  As I sat there with my jacket off, I couldn't help but notice how much smaller I looked and felt.  I guess when you're walking three hours a day (less one hour on a cold night like tonight) the weight is going to come off eventually.  Sometimes, it takes a tight t-shirt to remind you of just how far you've come.  The meal was piping hot and wonderful.  One generous tip later and I was out the door.  Tonight, it really felt like they felt my cold and they took me in out of the weather to warm me up.  I think I'm going to have to visit that very sweet mom and son more often.

the 18th

Tonight, I passed a little time watching the new Oprah Winfrey Network called OWN.  The show that I caught a bit of is somewhat of a disappointment.  It's called "What Would You Do?".  I'm surprised that Oprah would endorse a show like that.  In my opinion, it is in poor taste and exploits very real situations and human emotions.  The only good thing to come out of watching that was to learn that on the 18th, there is a new show coming on that network called "Addicted to Food".  I'm very anxious to see how they will approach this topic.  I like to think I could produce a show of my own on that.  There is always something new to learn and something new to share.  Tonight, I will do just that.  What I have discovered about food addictions is that there is always a trigger and then there is the response to turn to food to deal with that.  Once I became aware of my triggers, I was able to resist the temptation.  Perhaps the greatest accomplishment has been to watch as even the temptation washes away, which it precisely did this evening.  If ever I was going to turn to food, tonight was the night.  It would have typically been the time when I would turn to all kinds of junk food, but proudly, I didn't.  The great thing about this is, it wasn't even resisting the food, I simply didn't have the inclination to turn to it.  I'm extremely proud of that.  You see, the trigger doesn't really go away.  You get to stare it in the face, just as I did this evening.  You feel the emotion of that and then you get to see how you choose something more powerful for yourself in the matter of that emotion.  I'll be anxious to see if this new show addresses that issue.  I'm always so anxious to learn, especially about something that affects my life, or should I say, that gives me life.  Yes, that is how I shall see it, that which gives me life.

Cake Boss

As I was growing up, one of my favorite things about birthdays, especially mine, was the cake.  The cake always had to come from Woolworth's where I always wanted my one-inch-thick icing to turn into two.  Since the close of Woolworth's many years ago, the delight of a birthday cake has been a much diluted experience for me, that is, until last night.  The birthday cake that greeted the guests upon arrival was simply a work of art.  It really needed to be in an art gallery and not my stomach.  I had never seen anything so spectacular.  It was like looking at the best Christmas tree I had ever created and then discovering it was fully edible.  There's no way to describe this cake other than to say it was a masterpiece.  Tonight, I'm suffering from the indulgence of one too many pieces.  But, how do you say no to such a good friend on her birthday when all she wants is for you to enjoy another piece?  I think my learning is in just that, saying no, or more politely, no thank you.  Tonight, my stomach actually hurts and the result of all that sugar is taking a well deserved hit on my brain.  I guess when you don't eat such things in such quantities for such a while, you can really notice it when one piece turns into another, and so on and so on.  Yes, I am fully willing to admit that the enjoyment kept on going.  I am also willing to admit that right in this moment, I am comletely sick of cake.  I think I had my fill for the next ten birthdays--mine and everybody else's.  Oh, the hold that piece of cake had on me.   Was it worth it--right now, I don't think so.  As it was going down, certainly.  So, this is about the time you live with the deep regret of all that sugar and all those carbohydrates.  I'm sure I will be into the next two days walking that off.  Oh well, my fault.  Maybe the next time, I'll silently make my own wish and hand the knife to someone else.

A Gift

Both this morning and just now, I was treated to a burst of sunshine as I walked.  It was especially noticeable this morning for it came as such a surprise, almost a gift.  All of a sudden, there was this immediate sensation of warmth that was in sharp contrast to what I've felt for so many months.  For the first time, I was tempted to lay out in it.  While the wind was decidedly cold, the sun's rays reminded me that spring is just around the corner, no matter what the calendar already says.  So, who doesn't love a nice gift, especially an unexpected one?  The warmth of that sun this morning really felt like it.  I admit, there's times I get fed up with walking in the cold, especially the freezing cold that'e enough to skin you in this city.  I was then reminded of some other gifts that have come my way.  Being able to sew in my coat the other day was one.   Hopping into that suit several weeks ago was another.  Hearing my mother say, just yesterday, how proud she is of what I've accomplished was, indeed, something worth sharing.  So, tonight, there is another gift waiting to unfold.  There is a surprise party for a dear friend and I get the opportunity to hop in that same suit.  Going out tonight is yet another gift I give myself.  I do it with my head held high and all the confidence in the world.  Maybe there just might be a gift waiting for me as well.  Let's see what the evening holds.

Integrity

Whenever I have a meeting in my design business, the one thing you can be guaranteed of is that I'll be there on time.  You can pretty much set your watch by me.  I've always been like that.  From a business perspective, one of the ways you can have an advantage is simply by honoring your word.  That seems to be missing all over the place.  It's interesting when we consider our word, we are often the ones that get put last in terms of our promises.  It seems that if someone asks us for a favor and we say yes, we generally live into that.  However, that seems to fall apart whenever we make a promise to ourselves.  Take, for instance, when we promise to eat better, exercise more, no more this or no more that...and I could go on.  The thing for me is I don't want to make promises to myself that I don't intend to keep.  I keep it easy.  I walk three hours a day and while that's easy for me, I know it wouldn't be for most.  I gave up diet soft drink but that doesn't mean I wouldn't have one ever again.  It's the same about junk food.  It's not a staple in my everyday food consumption, but I will have it whenever I want it and as of late, the frequency is lesser and lesser.  I make those promises to myself, promises to do things, to avoid things, and to allow myself things.  I keep all those promises to myself.  It keeps me sane.  If I was to say there would never be another potato chip pass my lips, that would likely be the end of my word on that.  I keep it real.  It sees me through.

Fabulous Fifty

Last night, I recorded the episode of Oprah and got to it this evening.  For the past year, my mind has been open to new ways of being and new ways of eating, especially new ways of eating.  One of those new ways showed up in that Oprah episode.  It was all about following the Vegan way of eating.  Essentially, it consists of restricting all food products that come from animals, so no eggs, cheese, meat, etc.  At first glance, that might sound impossible.  After all, how could your possibly survive with only fruits and vegetables.  Of course, there is a whole lot more available to you.  I read a book a month or so ago about reversing diabetes and the jist of the book was essentially an encouragement to follow a vegan diet.  It took three hundred pages to get to that.  They got my forty-six bucks and I got the message that could have been delivered on page one.  I have kept an open mind to it ever since.  You see, I live with diabetes and I have watched it come under better control over the past year.  The weight in my stomach was the worst situation I could have found myself in and happily, I've managed to turn that situation around.  In that episode last night, they took a reformed carnivore through the supermarket and offered all the wonderful alternatives that can fit into a vegan diet.  I haven't seen such selections here, but then again, I haven't been on the hunt.  I don't know if I'm ready to fully commit to such a thing, but I am willing to explore the possibility.  That's not to say I will never pull up to a drive-thru window ever again and ask for something that walked the earth, with the works, but I'll keep an open mind to a new way of eating.  The way I see it, I've got at least another fifty years of living to try such things.  One things is for sure, you'll hear about it if I ever take a walk away from the wild side.

Sew Wonderful

When I was just a young boy, my mother purchased a sewing machine from Sears.  I watched in fascination as a machine that just sent a needle up and down could create some amazing fashions.  It took a while for me to realize that it was the hands of the one doing the sewing that created all of those wonderful things.  Before long, I wanted to try my hand at sewing.  Soon, I discovered I was pretty good at it.  The ability to create something out of practically nothing really fascinated me.  I then put that talent to use while in university where I was known to make a lot of my own clothes.  Once I discovered how to manipulate a pattern, I could create almost anything.  I then turned that skill to home fashions and my simple drapery designs soon became rather interesting creations.  As my business grew, I then farmed that work out so my time at my mother's sewing machine was limited.  You can imagine my delight when I found pretty much the exact machine at a flea market last year in its own carrying case.  Straight out of the seventies, the man who sold it to me claimed it purred like a kitten.  He was right.  One year later, I took out that sewing machine and created fourteen drapery panels.  I was at it all day.  How nice to remind myself of a hobby I thoroughly enjoyed.  I was also reminded of something else and that was, how easy it is to recreate a piece of clothing.  I was reminded of the coat I wore last night as I walked and how it was getting just a little too big for me.  I went to the front closet and with wide eyes, I brought that jacket to the machine.  I thought to myself, why not take it in a few inches on each side, so I did.  It took all of about five minutes to turn my size medium coat into something that would closely resemble a small.  It zipped up snugly and perfectly.  When I walked this evening downtown, I couldn't help but remind myself of how proud I was walking on the first day of school in my new clothes back then.  The entire hour and a half went by effortlessly.  I could have kept on walking but dinner awaited.  I had to push the sewing machine to one side as I took my salad and chicken, but I think I'll keep it on the kitchen table for a while.  I think I've got a few piece of clothing left in the closet that could do with a re-fit.  Just imagine how good I'm going to look this summer.  I can't wait!

A Dream of a Wedding

Today, I visited a friend's blog to discover some very beautiful pictures of a Wedding she helped with last year.  It was incredible to see all the beautiful photos and how stunning everything looked once it all came together.  It reminded me of the work I used to do with Weddings.  Two years ago, I planned and decorated for a Wedding that took a full year to coordinate.  The results were incredible.   Seeing my friend's pictures today reminded me of all the work and all the planning that went into such events.  I loved every minute of it.  It got me thinking.  I can so easily compare that process of planning and decorating that Wedding to my own life's journey.  Next month will be one year since I started really living.  Living this way has almost seemed like a dream, but I know it's real because I've still got the chill in my body from walking earlier this evening.  The rain that was beating on me was freezing cold and it even penetrated the scarf that continues to find its way around my forehead.  Half way around, I felt like hopping back in the car, but I didn't.  I kept on going and once I was finished, I was proud of what I had accomplished.  I stopped into one of the coffee shops for a hot cup of tea and while I was enjoying that, with my scone, I perused the Snap magazine and wouldn't you know, there I was, in all my shimmery loveliness.  It was the picture that was taken of me several weeks ago at the Village Mall's fashion show.  I recall writing about how good I felt in that new suit that day, and earlier, I got to see how that acutally looked.   My suit looked regal.  I could have been going to my own Wedding.  I know that's going to happen.  Maybe I just needed to punch in a full year of this with me first.  Let's see what the universe has in store for me!

Support

The power of the univers has always fascinated me.  More that I am religious and more than I am spiritual, it is my belief in universal energy that I believe supports me.  When understanding support, it's easy to see the immediate examples that are around you.  For example, I had a friend visit last night who brought some very healthy dessert options.  While I may have lost my weight, I certainly haven't lost my sweet tooth.  I remember a time when I could sit to the full of a lemon pie.  Image all the sugar contained within.  Even living with diabetes, I believed I could beat the odds and have an extra piece every once in a while.  Maybe those once in a whiles were a little more frequent than I care to admit, but last night, a healthy, delicious alternative was presented to me.  Now, I just have to learn how to spare them along.  I think I washed out the empty container earlier this evening (they were just divine!).  Of course, there's always another friend who will gladly create a pot of soup and drop it off to my door upon request.  That support is wonderful and it is so recognizable.  There's also another support out there and it is less easy to recognize and that is, the support from the universe.  I believe when your intention is pure, the universe will be behind you all the way.  It's kinda like this, if you recall buying a new car in a shiny shade of silver, all of a sudden you start seeing all kinds of silver cars out there and all kinds of cars like yours.  It seems like what you focus on expands.  The same is true for looking after yourself.  Our bodies want us to be healthy.  The world wants that for us too so it stands behind us.  The universal support shows up in ways like one last parking spot being available as you look for a spot to park your car downtown as you begin your walk.  It shows up on a day when you just don't feel like walking for another minute then all of a sudden, there's this person you don't really know, but that person stops you on your trek just to say how good you look.  It also shows up in the way the supermarket that is just around the corner from your house always seems to have a freshly made salad awaiting your arrival, even if it is the last one in the bin.  Of course, I could go on and list another hundred examples of the support that is all around me.  I also believe it comes from one more source and that is, from the person who is reading this right now, the person who is wishing me well and sending all their good energy my way.  To that person, I say thank you.

In Praise of Housework

One of the things I insist on each day is a well made bed.  Sounds pretty simple, doesn't it, to make your bed each day and, indeed, it is.  Yet, not everyone takes the time to do such a thing.  I've been in many houses where the covers are just thrown over and in many other houses where you have to kick your way to the bed.  I offer this example to illustrate the point I'd like to make about the learning I've been engaged in for the past seven years.  It's called Ontology and it is the study of "being".  Essentially, you can ask yourself the question, who are you being in the matter of your life?  In the example I gave of keeping a tidy bedroom, who I am being in the matter of my home is someone who is deeply committed to having everything tidy, comfortable, and organized.  Ask any mother who she is being in the matter of her child and you will discover someone who is deeply committed to her offspring and would likely do anything for that child.  It is my study in Ontology that has brought me to myself.  I now ask the question, who am I being in the matter of my health?  That's an easy one to answer as I can see my commitment in its broadest form.  Who I am being is someone deeply committed to my life, my health, and my well being.  Just as I make my bed and tidy my home each day, I do the same things for my life.  My life consists of solid exercise each day.  My body asks for nourishing food and I do my best to give it what it needs.  I can liken my commitment to myself as similar to that of a mother's commitment to her child.  Sadly, I have noticed that so many of us do so much for others and we seem unwilling to do even a fraction of that for ourselves.  That is one of the big changes in my life--I now put myself first.  Today, I enjoyed the benefits of a long walk, even though it came in what seemed like a raging snowstorm at 6:30 this morning.  I treated myself to good food today and to some wonderful comany this evening.  I now get to head to bed where I know a perfectly made bed awaits.  That's who I am being in the matter of my life.  It will ensure I have a good one for many, many years.

A Good Recovery

There will always be times when things go wrong and I've long accepted that.  What I look for beyond the incident is how the individual handles that.  Tonight, I experienced for the first time the new restaurant at the Sheraton called Oppidan.  The name might have been a little unusual and as such, I didn't quite know what to expect.  What I discovered was an amazing experience, wonderful food, along with the company of a dear friend.  At the risk of making this blog seem like a restaurant review, it was certainly worth talking about.  My soup could have been a little hotter and while my whipped potatoes were less than warm, one forkful of my friend's risotto convinced me that this food was incredible.  Still, I was a little disappointed in the temperature of some of the things that came out, and I discreetly shared this with our waiter who was more than willing to replace my plate.  It wasn't necessary.  My fork found its way to warm satisfaction in my friend's plate.  All of a sudden, I was presented with my own, very piping hot bowl of that rice dish.  It reminded me that they certainly did care, even when I was willing to settle for something less that what I had expected.  It was a great recovery on their part and certainly prompted me to share the experience.  As a matter of fact, I believe I could speak more hightly of the experience based on the initial setback.  I guess that's the thing, we are not always perfect and things around us can sometimes go wrong.  I certainly experience that in my work, both in my capacity and on the other end.  In the matter of that, it's all about the recovery and tonight was a shining example of how little it took to make me a very satisfied guest.  Good for you, Oppidan, we'll be back.

The Power of the Potato

Tonight, a good friend returned to Newfoundland and let's face it, who wants to come back home with nobody to greet them at the airport.  I knew it was my duty.  That led to an impromptu dinner out and as suspected, most of the downtown restaurants were bursting at the seams.  It only took a little hike down Water St. to find a restaurant with a table in the window so in we went.  One thing I really love is interesting conversation so the entire evening was spent on a broad range of topics, one of which was the food on our plate.  The soup to start was well made but could have used a few degrees more to make it piping hot.  The sandwich that followed came with a choice of side and then came the moment when you stop to consider that half a plate of french fries would likely be in order.  I really don't remember the last time I ate a french fry, but tonight, I was having them.  A conversation soon followed on whether that was the best choice, so I was up front in stating that it clearly wasn't.  But in that moment, I really wanted french fries as my side.  Here's what I believe.  If I was to resist those fries as if they were the worst things in the world, no matter how much I may have wanted them, the fries win.  As long as you tell yourself that you can no longer have that desirable something that may find its way to your plate, that something wins.  What I now tell myself is that I can have whatever I want and I only eat it when I'm hungry (real hunger, that is, not the kind of hunger you believe is there late at night when something's on your mind).  I really do say that to myself.  In the matter of that, the food no longer has the hold that it once did.  What I've discovered is that the freedom to have whatever I want offers just that--freedom.  Now I am in control, not the food.  What I've also discovered is that the frequence of my consuming those kinds of foods has diminished considerably.  Just as I've said, I don't remember the last time I ate a french fry.  I'm pretty sure they won't be on my plate tomorrow nor anytime soon.  My desire for those kinds of food has changed so much.  Even with Chinese food.  For so long, that was the enemy, now I tell myself I can have it whenever I want and even as often as I want (again, as long as I'm eating to satisfy real hunger).  Again, I would have to think to the last time I had that.  For the most part, my choices are good ones but I won't make the french fry bad or wrong because it was on my plate tonight.  They were actually quite good.  I shared them, by the way, so only half the guilt was actually consumed.