Fly Me to the Moon

What an interesting day this turned out to be.  I knew I was in for a very long work day that started quite early so my walk this morning had to start earlier, too.  As I was finishing at around 7:30, I noticed that the sign on the new "Rocket" bakery downtown said they were opening at 7:30 as well, so in I went.  For those of you unfamiliar with this place, it is the old Auntie Crae on Water St.  As it turned out, I had the distinction of being their first customer and as such, they asked if they could take my picture.  How do you resist that?  Even with my scarf tied around my forehead and a full suit of black walking gear, I proudly flashed a smile for the camera.  I can only imagine what I looked like after an early-morning walk with the cold impacting my rosy cheeks.  But, alas, there is another place for a hot cup of tea in the morning.   I recognized the chef and after a brief chat, I was proud to learn that they had some wonderful things they were offering from their kitchen.  Their bakery seemed filled with frosting delights, so as much as I wanted to put at least a half dozen on my plate, I opted out of that.  Still, those cupcakes were calling my name.  I think I'll have to try one tomorrow morning.  Tomorrow is another heavy work day but I will rise early once again and my trek downtown will eventually find me back to Rocket's door.  I like the energy there and the familiar face from another coffee house calling me by name made me feel welcomed.  I guess I can consider that it's off to the moon for me in the morning.  Oh, isn't that one of the best episodes from Sesame Street when Ernie sings "Oh, I'd like to visit the moon."  You can find it on You Tube.  It's just the best song ever.  I wonder if that cupcake will measure up.  I'll let you know...

Someone Else's Kitchen

Let's face it, there's time when you just don't want to stand in front of your stove and cook your own meal.  I felt like that this evening after I walked.  I just wanted to enjoy someone else's cooking, but whose, I wondered.  If I'm going to trade nourishment for dollars, it's got to be good.  When I look back at the food choices I made in the past, I don't have to look any further than photos of me during that time.  Let's face it, I was heavy.  Over the past ten months, I've punched in a lot of hours beating the streets and losing the weight and now it seems, I'm still punching in time as I maintain that weight.  The choices I make now have got to be good ones.  It was easy to decide where to go for dinner this evening.  All I had to do was drop into Belbin's which is just around the corner from where I live.  They have a brilliant section called "Dinner's Ready" and I can't say enough good about their food.  Whether it's fresh or frozen, you can be sure it's made with the greatest care and ingredients you can pronounce.  How simple can that be.  There's often a temptation to pick up the popular frozen brands from other supermarkets, the ones with all the fancy packaging and irresistible names, but when you look at what's inside, you sometimes have to question if that's the stuff we should be putting in our bodies.  The pita pizza I had tonight from Belbin's was fabulous.  You really have to give them credit.  It's perhaps the only supermarket left in the city that offers to take your groceries to your car, and that's even if you have just a few bags.  The prices are certainly reasonable, especially when you consider all that goes into the food preparation, especially their soups, which are simply divine.  As it turns out, I still have half that pita pizza in the fridge.  I think I was saving it for Republic of Doyle which starts in just one minute.  Off I go...

Food as an Addiction

It seems like for so many years, I've had people around me who are struggling with addictions.  Some are to food while others are to alcohol and drugs, so before I say the first word on either subject, let me be abundantly clear that I am not an addictions expert.  What I am about to say is my own feelings on the subject.  Some may feel I am way off here while others may agree.  This is my opinion on the topic and thankfully, we live in a world where we are free to express that opinion.  Here's the way I see it.  For those with a food addiction, it shows up on every inch of our body and it shows up as shame within us.  I've never met one overweight person who at some point, didn't wish to have the weight off.  When food is your addiction, you have to first understand the addictive nature of food, then you have to change your eating habits.  Then, you've got to spend days, then weeks, then months, trying to get the weight off.  It can be so painfully difficult.  I recently coached a friend through his addiction to cigarettes.  All he had to do after that was put them down.  There was no hundred pounds to then try and take off.  If he decides to put down the cigarette, it would seem to me he's free.  Of course, there's always the very real effect of the smoking on the body, but you can't always see that at first glance.  It's the same as a friend I know with an addiction to drugs and alcohol.  It's so easy to hide that from the world, unless you're in that person's company at 2:00 in the morning when they hardly know who they are.  Again, I have noticed that the same shame does not show up on that person's body to the same degree.  In some way, I've always felt cursed because of the weight.  Now that it's gone, I can celebrate the fact that my body doesn't look the same as it once did.  Perhaps that's the real difference when we overcome our food addictions.  It really shows on us and people really take notice.  Sadly, the mind takes a while to catch up.  I may have lost 72 pounds but the mind sometimes feels it's still trapped in an overweight body.  I felt that way tonight which is why, I guess, I was prompted to write about this.  Essentially, our brains are addictive brains and it would seem like we've all got something.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging anyone who lives with any kind of addiction.  The way I see it, I'm no different than them. 

Back on Track

All it took was one pound gained to snap me back into reality.  After a few days away from my routine of three hours walking per day, I'm back on track.  That one extra pound is already gone.  I will forever recall how I felt about that one pound and for sure, the next time I lose one pound, you won't hear me say, oh, it's just one pound.  Sure, it would be easy to blame all the snow we had recently, but the truth is, it wasn't the snow that kept me away, after all, I would have had no trouble even walking in it.  I had a shift in consciousness last Wednesday.  Again, it was as simple as a thought.  It's incredible how powerful our thoughts are.  But, really, I missed walking.  I missed the feeling it gave me (must be true about the endorphins) and I certainly missed the feeling I had at the end of each hour-and-a-half jaunt.  Of course, I didn't miss the icy sidewalks (Duckworth St. businesses are so different than Water St. ones whereby it seems every last flake of snow has been cleared away), but I just take it slower and more careful on the upper leg of my journey.  I admit it felt a little different today.  I always walked feeling like I was waiting for someone at the finish line, someone who would be cheering me on, but I've let go of that.  Now, I am truly walking for myself.  Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with having someone in the back of your mind, as inspiration, but even that someone can't come before yourself.  Today, I put myself first.  I feel so much lighter already.  Now, it seems my thought has shifted from walking to lose the weight to walking to maintain the weight.  I'm still not sure what the best thing to eat after a long walk is.  There's times I reach for some old cheddar cheese and there's times I grill some chicken breast.  I've even been known to stop in for a slightly toasted tea biscuit with a cup of tea.  I admit, I still have few answers when it comes to what is best to nourish my body after such intense exercise, but I'm learning.  Dr. Oz's book is turning out to be a wonderful read.  I think I'll turn in early tonight and catch a few more pages of that.  After all, I've got an early rise tomorrow.  In no time, it will be 6:00 and my day will start again, along with my walking.  I don't really mind reaching the finish line on my own.  At least I've made it this far.

One Pound

On the surface, losing one pound doesn't seem like a really big deal.  After all, it's just one pound.  Well, how about if that same one pound was the one you gained?  Now, if you're like me, that one pound takes on a whole new meaning.  I usually weight myself once a week and as of late, I have seen two pounds come off.  Well, it's time for me to admit that I just got comfortable and lazy.  As I look back on the past week, I had dinner out one night that consisted of hamburgers and french fries and I admit, they went down with pure delight.  The next night, in a storm, I found myself at a restaurant with a special friend where I enjoyed three, um, four courses.  Late last night I found my way into a sub shop for what I thought was a healthy choice when I should really be questioning is anything really a healthy choice at midnight.  This morning, it was breakfast out with a friend and breakfast out with anyone is never on the top of a healthy-eating list.  This afternoon, I discover that I am up one pound.  Oh, I forgot to add that I haven't walked since Wednesday.  It's a wonder I'm not up five more.  So, this is the time I get to put it all on pause, rewind a little, and see what I've done over the past week.  I guess these choices are ones I sometimes make through the week, but when you're walking three hours a day, it doesn't seem to matter.  I don't remember the last time I gained weight.  While it's only a pound, it's in the wrong direction.  This is going to change.  The one thing I can't do is go back to all the walking and then use that as an excuse to eat out with the wrong things on the plate.  Who would I be kidding to do that?  I admit, I did miss my walking and even though the sidewalks are snowy downtown again, I can either slow it down on the snow or find another route.  I'll think about that this evening.  For now, I won't beat up on myself too much.  I'll accept the truth of this, give thanks for catching this before it went to five pounds, and commit to doing better.  I'm sure things will be back to normal before long.

An Exploration

One of the things that has always intrigued me about the reality of being overweight is the fact that most of us who live with this are fully aware of what we should and should not be doing.  Still, that makes little difference, especially when we do what we know we shouldn't be doing.  That's either the definition of addiction or the definition of insanity.  It would easy to say that the individual simply doesn't care, and in some cases that would be very accurate, but I've always wanted to explore that concept a little further.  Of course, it's easy to talk about this when you're not in the throws of food as your addiction, but it makes me question whether food will always be my addiction, even with so much weight gone from my body.  Today, I considered that there is certainly an element of sadness that comes over the individual living with the food addiction and to quiet that sadness (or maybe even to numb it) the common reaction is to eat that pain away.  I also considered something else and that is, the recurring sadness is like an old friend that you really don't want to give up.  The grip of getting out of that sadness can then be a frightening thought.  After all, does anybody really want to give up that which is familiar and comfortable?  There is so much available to the individual, but sometimes they just don't want to take it.  Stepping into unfamiliar territory has been thrust upon me.  I know what I'm talking about here.  While in Toronto recently, I made a decision to put myself out there and for the first time in years (many, many years), I decided to go downtown.  The cabbie looked at me strangely as I requested my destination.  I soon learned after a one-minute cab ride that I was going just around the corner.  Tonight, I'm going to do the very same thing, minus the cab ride.  I've never been comfortable going downtown, but tonight, I'm stepping out of that discomfort and I'm putting myself out there.  As a non-drinker, I will become the designated driver and I'll proudly take on that role.  Tonight, I will have an exploration of another kind and I'll embrace that enthusiastically.  That's what was waiting for me on the other side of this weight.  I'll chose something to wear that was only a dream this time last year.  My life is now a reality.  I don't know what the next few hours will hold but what I do know is I'll hold my head high as I step out into this unfamiliar territory.  Wish me luck!

All Wrapped Up

Undoubtedly, the most rewarding things I have ever done for myself is take care of my health.  As a result of that, the weight has fallen off and I enjoy all the rewards that come from that.  It was a long road, but I'm careful not to say it was a hard road, because really, it wasn't.  When you're committed to something, you're willing to pour yourself into it.  I'm reminded of something else I pour myself into and it showed up today in the backdrop of a snow day that kept pretty much everyone home on a Friday.  As I'm not one to sit in front of the television, I like to keep busy, so with all appointments cancelled for the day, I decided to put my commitment to action--that is, my commitment to my home.  I believe I can state that I am one of the most organized people I know, if not the most organized, and when you've got the stuff that I've collected over the years, you really need to be.  Everything that comes in over the door is carefully chosen and then I carefully find a home for it.  Sure, there's plenty of everything, but there's a calm about it all.  I never quite understood someone who pays good money for something and then that same something finds its way to the top of a huge pile of many other things in their home.  I see this so often.  I then look in horror whenever I do catch that show, "Hoarders".  Wouldn't I ever like to work with some of those people.  I'm of the belief that what's going on around you is reflective of what's going on inside of you.  This evening, as I'm preparing my chicken breast for dinner, I'm thinking, gee, there really is a connection between what I bring into my home and what I'm now bringing into my body.  As I make my purchases carefully for my home (including the newest teaset that I couldn't resist the other day), I have realized that I can make the same carefully purchases for my body.  In the end I have the same result.  I have a house that's pretty much in order and I have a body that reflects that comment as well.  Who knew?  For so long, I never considered that the money I was spending on all the junk I put into my body was money that was wasted in so many ways.  Now, I clearly see the difference.  Just as I want to have a tidy, organized home for myself to live in, I want to have a tidy, organized body for my life to live in.  I'm the one in control here.  Well, my chicken seems to be ready.  After I enjoy that, there's a gift-wrapping room waiting for the final touches of a thorough overall today.  I could so easily make one of those scrumptious bows and wrap it around myself as a reminder of the gift I have given myself and one that I can now share with others.