One Year Ago

When I started this journey May 24th last year, I could hardly imagine how my life would look today.  What I knew for sure is that I was determined to make a difference in my life.  Whereas I had put others first and had demonstrated an ability to see all of that through, I really wanted to see what my own life would look like if I concentrated on myself.  My friend gets in this evening and one of the things she really wants to do is go dancing downtown and, of course, she wants me to go with her.  I've already chosen what I'm going to wear and I can hardly wait.  I was never really one for downtown but tonight will be different.  Everything is different, in fact.  When I hit one year on Tuesday, things will change again.  I'm also considering that I might close the chapter on one part of my life, and that is, my daily ritual of writing my thoughts on this page.  It's not that I've grown tired of it because I rather enjoy coming to my computer each day.  There's something else I've got to figure out.  There's still one thing nagging at me and that will take a lot of quiet reflection, I believe.  Just as I conquered all the Chinese food, the dreaded soft drinks, and all that late-night eating, there's one more hurdle to overcome.  It's been at the top of my conversations lately and it's the most significant thing I have had to consider as of late.  I'm going to take the time to explore this, to understand it, and to ask the important questions that might just take a while to answer.  I'm going to think about all of this over the next few days.  Let's see what that time holds.  Until then, tonight will be our night to shine!

One Long Weekend

This weekend is going to be a little tricky for me.  One of my best friends is coming back to Newfoundland and it seems she has planned our entire weekend around all of our favorite restaurants.  I admit that I have been known to eat out quite a bit, but as of late, I am really limiting the amount of restaurant food I put into my system.  Now, it seems, I'm in for an entire weekend of favorite breakfasts, lunches, and dinners.  I'm not quite sure how all of that will go down, but I like to think that I can safely put a hault on any extra indulgence that might be tempted to come my way.  It's so easy to link food with good times and I guess on some level, we've all had experiences with such a theme to it.  I remember on my birthday two years ago, my friend hosted a party for me at her home.  She cooked for two days.  I think we all rolled out of there.  There had to be at least forty platters of food and each one was piled as high as the eye could see.  I seem to have my second birthday coming up on Tuesday and I have already hinted to a friend who likes to bake cakes that I like to eat them.  I don't suspect there will be any candles on that cake.  In some way, I like to think I already have my wish.  I'm living it.  For now, I'm just going to pay attention over the next few days.  It will certainly be nice to have my friend back home and to share so many good times.  I'm going to weigh in with the new trainer on Tuesday.  I'll report back if anything has changed!

One Little Piece

Recently, I discovered a special chocolate from Coffee and Company.  It's just a little piece and its flavor is Strawberry Cheesecake.  Does it ever taste like Strawberry Cheesecake, too.  Now, in the past, I could sit to a full box of chocolates and my stomach would hurt after the fact.  Once you get the code figured out, you go for the best flavors and you eventually discover that even the least attractive ones become more attractive as you get to the bottom of the box.  I remember turning my nose up at the coconut ones and the dark chocolate fudge, but when they were the only two left, their appeal increased exponentially.  That was the old me.  With my new discovery, I limit my intake to just one or two per week and I get them at the end of my evening walk.  I take my time to savour each little bite.  While I'm sure that I could eat several each evening with little consequence to the bottom line, I tell myself something more powerful.  I don't often view any food as a treat, but I will in this case.  That one perfect little piece will always be waiting for me whenever I decide to stop into that coffee shop.  It's one more little favorite little thing that I don't take advantage of, but rather something I allow myself to have whenever that little need for chocolate starts poking its head in.

Happy Birthday to Me

As I like to think, my second birthday is coming up on May 24.  I will be turning one next Tuesday.  I've thought long and hard about what I want to do to celebrate that day and today, I've discovered what that will be.  My gift to myself (I'm probably the only one that really sees it as a birthday) will be a fresh start.  This evening, I spoke to a personal trainer/nutritionist, and we've set next Tuesday as the day we will first meet to review what I have been doing and what I have accomplished over the past year.  I told him I want to step it up a notch, that I want to go all the way with this.  I shared that I have been walking three hours a day for many months now and while I'm proud of my 72-pound weight loss, there's still more to go.  What I want is to find out more about nutrition.  I want to know if the cup of tea, the orange, and the raisin bun with jam that I have each morning after my walk is the right thing to be doing for myself.  I then typically have my lunch at Hava Java where I find their soup (made by Belbin's) is simply divine.  There are five that they shift up every day and I embrace each one with anticipation.  I actually think they do the best soup in the city at the best price.  My evening meal varies.  I realize I'm not as strict as I once was and while I haven't gained any weight back, I haven't lost much else either.  It's time to change that.  Even though I filled one closet this evening with all new clothing, I'd be satisfied to let all that go with all kinds of new things if the weight continues to fall off.  I don't remember ever being skinny and I'd like to find out.  I know I can get there.  Even though I've got some wonderful new suits, I know there are more out there.  I'm happy to spend my money on that sort of stuff rather than Chinese takeaway several times a week.  Oh, I'm so excited about next Tuesday.  Let's see where my life goes from there.

Video Gotcha

Whenever I'm in my car, it is usually tuned to CBC radio.  I like the opportunity to expand my mind and to listen to something other than screaming ads that the more popular radio stations offer.  Today, I heard an interesting story of a bus driver in Rome who was busted when one of his passengers took a cell-phone video of him.  As it turned out, the bus driver was on two cell phones, using one to talk to a service representative while setting up his email on the other.  The entire time, he was driving with his elbows.  It just sounded so ridiculous, but, of course, believable.  The host of the radio show offered up a national, one-thing-at-a-time day and then suggested it should be an international day.  I quite agree.  It reminded me of something that I often see as I walk through my world and that is, people who are multi-tasking as they are taking their exercise.  It happens whenever I pass someone in their workout stage of their walk and they happen to be on their cell phone.  It seems to me that one defeats the other.  How can you concentrate on your exercise while you are chatting on the phone?  I never take my phone with me as I walk.  The way I see it, that walk is more important than anyone who might be phoning at the time.  Whatever I might have missed will be waiting for me when I get back to the car.  So, it's not so much what I missed, but what I have gained by concentrating all my effort on what I am doing and that is, walking and looking after myself.  In Women, Food, and God, Geneen Roth uses the same ideology for talking about taking our meals.  You need to be present to the food, she says, without interruptions of watching television.  For her, there can only be one true task at mealtime and that is, taking the time to eat your food.  I guess there are times when multi-tasking would be a benefit (housekeeping included) and other times when it just doesn't serve you to to be doing more than one thing at the same time.  I guess that bus driver will have plenty of free hands with no more steering wheel in it.

Dirty Dishes

When I was younger and living home, there were always plenty of dishes to wash.  I was always the type to clean off the table first, rinse and stack all the dishes first, clean off the counters, then I could start washing.  It was something that I always took my time doing.  Now that I have my own place and my own dishwasher, I still look after all the delicates by my own hands.  I wouldn't dream of putting a china cup in the dishwasher, let alone an entire place setting.  Those are the things I still take care of gently.  Sure, it takes a lot of time, but I just think about how fortunate I am to have such lovely things and I take great pride in looking after my stuff.  Essentially, it goes back to something I believe in and that is, you have to appreciate and nurture every step along the way.  Whenever I have a tea party at my home or a special dinner, it takes hours to clean up but I take my time, giving thanks for every cup and everyone who was here to enjoy it and I eventually find my way back to the place where everything is washed and put back to where it came from.  I use the same mindset for other things in my life.  When I start walking at 6:00 in the morning, I don't wish my time away until it hits 7:30 and I stop for tea.  I embrace every minute of that hour and a half.  I give thanks for every step.  I enjoy each moment thoroughly.  I can say the same for the housework.  I've learned to enjoy and give thanks for every step in the process and not just hold my breath until the end.  Even in this cold, I'm still walking, still giving thanks, and still smiling. 

Peeling Back the Layers

Many years ago, I inherited one of my grandmother's small accent tables.  It had been painted over and in my determined state, I began sanding it down by hand.  After removing the first layer of paint, I soon discovered there was another.  This discovery was met with yet another layer and that went on and on.  I thought to myself, how many layers of paint are on this thing?  There had to be wood at some point.  I carefully took my time and eventually, I got to the real thing.  After a good coat of varnish, I was the proud owner of a piece of my grandmother's home.  I remember she had such nice stuff.  There were interesting china cabinets filled with the most interesting china.  I also remember there was clothes in every closet and in every cupboard.  I also remember when you went to bed, you were essentially pinned under the weight of all those quilts.  I guess that was the only place left to store them--on the bed itself.  I was fascinated by my grandmother's stuff and I now have that table as part of my memories of her.  Today, I came to a realization that my life is much like that table.  For the past year, I have been peeling back my own layers.  There was an incredible layer of fat that had to go.  There was another layer of bad food choices that needed to be scraped away.  There was a thick layer of the wrong thoughts that kept me stuck.  Finally, there was another layer that had someone's name on it.  That was the last to go.  Once you remove all those layers, you're left with an incredible work of art and in this case, it is me.  Just like refinishing that table, my life didn't recreate itself overnight.  It's taken a full year to do all of this.  I'm careful not to say I'm done because the minute I say that, I really am done.  I'll just keep putting a layer of polish all over myself every once in a while.  Not much work will be required for that, however, as I've got a smile from cheek to cheek that shines all over me everyday.